My first dating disaster...

Relationships are, without a doubt, not my strong suit. I have so many messed up stories about my dating life that, if you don't know me, I may come off as a grandiose liar. My life is one big failure after another and the dating aspect is no different. In fact, it's comically appealing. If you've ever watched a rom-com and thought "WOAH, that girl is a HOT MESS. What is she thinking?!?!" then that character was probably loosely based on me. It is for this reason I have given up almost entirely. For your viewing pleasure, I'll probably post a few of my dating disasters. I ask not for pity but for you to find the humor in the situation as I have.

When I was young I was standoffish about dating. I never had a ton of confidence and most guys who hit on me were questionable at best. I lived with 2 well known party people and we frequently had shenanigans at our place...all their friends of course because I was not interested in making friends. I liked to drink and have fun but I certainly wasn't concerned with playing nice with people. In retrospect I was kind of a bitch. But whatever, this isn't about me, this is about the date. Stop judging me.

One of my roommates constantly had his guy friends in and out of the house at all hours of the night. I generally ignored them and their advances because I knew what they did in their free time and it just wasn't my thing. I wasn't huge into dating people that had drug addictions so I stayed clear of them. Well, apparently this was incredibly offensive. My roommate, we called him Jmo, pulled me aside one day and asked why I always rejected his friends. He made such a big deal about it that I actually cracked.

I told him I would date THE NEXT one of his friends that asked me. I expected a few days would go by and he would forget it ever happened and I would be free of my contractual obligation.... boy was I wrong! Not even 2 hours later one of his cronies showed up and (for the 8th time that month) asked me on a date. Unfortunately Jmo heard this and gave me the "If you don't, I will never forgive you" look so I guiltily said I would go on just one date. The following is a breakdown of the the date in it's entirety.

6:00 Pulls up and comes to the door.... off to a good start.
6:02 I get in the car.
6:03 He asks me where I want to go. This has me conflicted. I personally don't think you should take a girl on a date without a plan.
6:10 We decide on Chillis (my choice because I needed a margarita) and finally leave.
6:20 YAY CHILLIS...the whole drive was a weird, uncomfortable silence.
6:30 We order and he is texting every 5 seconds. No conversation. I am highly annoyed.
6:40 Still texting... every conversation I try to start is met with short replies or silence. So I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. I turned my ringer on and text 20 people and place my phone on the table and wait.
6:42 My trick worked! He got annoyed with my phone blowing up and put his down to awkwardly start conversations with me.
6:50 He starts complaining about the food not being out. Apparently he doesn't understand that restaurants might need time on almost 7 ON A FRIDAY.
6:51 He gets up and walks towards the door. He is ACTUALLY LEAVING. I am mortified. I leave money on the table for the drinks and he proceeds to yell at me and tell me that they don't deserve it. I am furious at this point because I have been a bartender and server as well.
6:52 I awkwardly get in his car and he is apologizing and saying he will make it up to me.
6:53 He pulls into Burger King..... are you #ting me?
6:54 I am not even trying to hide my anger at this point and he is LAUGHING at me and telling me I am cute when I am angry. Highly annoyed.
7:00 I am expecting to be going home soon and he suggests a movie. Whatever, at least it doesn't involve me talking to him.
7:05 WE PULL UP TO HIS HOUSE?! WHY!
7:10 He is pouring me a drink and saying he is going to make this all up to me. I am trying to tell him I need to go home. He agrees....after the movie on his DVR
7:20 I contemplate running into oncoming traffic.
7:30 He smokes a bowl. I ask if he will be sober enough to take me home. He says, again, after the movie.
7:40 My phone dies and I have a dinosaur phone with a weird charge port. Great. My only life line. At least he hasn't tried to touch me.
8:00 He passes out on the couch. ARE YOU SERIOUS.
8:10 I am physically shaking him and yelling to get him to wake up. He starts snoring.
8:20 I decide to take the whiskey, find a spare bedroom and lock him out of it and drink til I pass out.
7:00am (the next day) I come downstairs. He asks why I was up there. I tell him I tried to wake him and my phone died.
8:00am I am finally home. My roommate looks expectantly. I unload on him.
8:10am He promises never to pressure me into dating his friends ever again.



I hope you enjoyed this story because I had to re-live this horrible atrocity and it is 7:27am here but I could now go for a margarita.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad



Sounds awful.

Go date a few chicks and post your highly detailed experiences here.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I'm not into girls. Partly because I have enough estrogen on my own and don't need more in my life. Also because vaginas are unappealing. Boobs are cool but everything else is like....no thanks.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

You sound like drama, why couldn't you have let the poor guy sleep instead of shaking him violently he was clearly exhausted from his date with you ?

Then you go sulk in one of his rooms with his liquor ? That's just impolite and rude.

All of this could have been avoided if you'd have asked him to take you home instead of going into his house (he didn't drag you in did he ?)

originally posted by: SomeDumbBroad
I'm not into girls.

Well, that makes one of us.

As for the date fiasco, dare dates don't sound like the best of ideas. You need to meet people the old fashioned way, stalking.

a reply to: Discotech

lol Ya caught me, super drama queen over here lol

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Lesson learned! This was almost 8 years ago. It was just the 1st actual "1st date" I ever went on.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

Jokes aside why didn't you just ask him to take you home instead of agreeing to watch a film with him when it's clear you'd already made your mind up that he wasn't the "one" for you

originally posted by: SomeDumbBroad
Lesson learned! This was almost 8 years ago. It was just the 1st actual "1st date" I ever went on.

Ahhh. I was under the impression it was much more recent by how visceral you still feel about it. At least it was all uphill from there.

originally posted by: Discotech
a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

Jokes aside why didn't you just ask him to take you home instead of agreeing to watch a film with him when it's clear you'd already made your mind up that he wasn't the "one" for you

For the same reason most of us have had a not so hot date that we stuck with longer than we should have.

a reply to: Discotech

I asked him to take me home at burger king. He said he wanted to take me to a movie. I said I didn't want to but he essentially said "It's okay. I'll take you home later."

I agreed to the movie because I thought it was at a theater.

Also, I was trying not to be an outward bitch because he was always at my house for my roommate.

I was 21 and cared what people thought of me.... don't worry, I am more blunt now.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

You MIGHT be terrible at dating, but you are pretty awesome at recording and remembering events and moments as they go.

Damn I cannot remember what I had for breakfast.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I probably should have prefaced that.... my bad. lol Wow, people are probably reading this and thinking "what a terrible bitch" (face palm). In all fairness I already disclosed that I am basically terrible at everything.

bk.. DVD and whiskey sounds like a great date lol .......least u made it home and not locked in his basement/dungeon :p

last time I dated, Bush was in office, the one after Reagan.

But I see this thread right next to the one about never dating a girl.

Maybe fate!

I went on a date with this chick a few weeks ago. Late in the night after dinner we went to a dance club and got wasted.
My date then starts bumping and grinding with some other dude and his mate on the dance floor.
A lady boy then came up to me and grabbed my hand and put it on his/her boob.
So I stood there in the club, watching my date dirty dancing, a Jack's and coke in my right hand and a ladyboy's left breast in the other. And I thought to myself, "How the # did I get to this predicament?"
Lady boy then starts doing the twerky thing and so I left and got a cab home.
Not sure what happened to my date.
Parties on the mother ship are more fun.

a reply to: SomeDumbBroad

I probably should have prefaced that.... my bad. lol Wow, people are probably reading this and thinking "what a terrible bitch" (face palm). In all fairness I already disclosed that I am basically terrible at everything.

Not me. I think it was him. No attempt at conversation in the car; staying on the phone at dinner like a 14 year old (not trying to get to know you on a different level at all), leaving the restaurant like a complete ass, then taking you to a 'movie' at his house. After a burger place. ew.

Hate to break it to you, but he didn't want to take you on a 'date' and get to know you better. He thought you were easy prey wanted to get you to his apartment, watch his free movie and do his thing. Not cool for a first date.

What a jerk.

And another thing.

Why did he even bother to ask you where you wanted to eat? Clearly he didn't want to go there. And furthermore, he DID have a plan.

The plan was to buy you a hamburger and take you back to his apartment. Which is exactly what he did.

originally posted by: SomeDumbBroad
I probably should have prefaced that.... my bad.

No worries.

lol Wow, people are probably reading this and thinking "what a terrible bitch" (face palm). In all fairness I already disclosed that I am basically terrible at everything.

Are you crazy too? Guys like the cray cray.