Diary of an intellectually honest god/God-believer, page 1

Dear Diary,

here is what I ask myself constantly from now on:

1.) Why and what for do I refer to any kind of god-concept? May it be a christian "god", a muslin "god", a jewish "god", a hindu "god", etc. How comes I need that?

2.) Why and what for is a god-concept needed at all? How comes that I need to call upon or refer to a "higher force" or a "higher being" or a "higher concept" than the reality I find myself in? What am I avoiding to do?

3.) What good is a god or God, who is hiding in a concept and never shows up personally?

4.) Isn't it like I know I have a mother but my mother prefers to be not seen by me ever? What kind of mother would that be? Would that be a good and loving mother? Maybe my god or God is an ugly one who just don't want to be seen because....because....WHY?

5.) Every secret in this universe...every hidden "knowledge" , is it evil per se? Why would that be the case? Because the mere fact that it is secret or hidden from me is prove of its mean and evil purpose? Why having secrets at all? What for having secrets and "hidden" knowledge?

6.) As long as I need to believe in a god or God, I will never know what god or God is. Is it just a word? That needs to be defined properly? By me?

7.) As long as I refer to god or God as "he" I have no idea who or what god or God is. Why not refering to god or God as he/she/it? If neccessary at all.

8.) As long as I refer to god or God as "he" I'm known by the real knowers as NOT IT, it seem.

9.) Justifying any kind of violence by some twisted and disgusting ideas of why or what for god or God is allowing brutality, violence, war and diseases is just plain EVIL itself. No matter how interesting or intelligent it may sound.

I guess I'm done now. I used my intelligence the way I'm supposed to.

That was a long long ride, indeed.

Good night.

edit on 31-3-2016 by Willingly because: I'm tired of living a lie...I really am...

edit on 31-3-2016 by Willingly because: I think I got it now...wow!...It seem I really got it now!

edit on 31-3-2016 by Willingly because: Everybody believes in something anyway. But what is it that is really worth believing in? And peacefully fighting for?