Derealisation / Depersonalisation / Unreality?

I have been attempting to research these disorders, quite simply because I believe I am living with one of them. But nothing that I am reading is quite exactly what I feel. Was wondering if anyone here has or had any experience with the feelings of Derealisation, Depersonalisation, or Unreality?

I should say upfront that I don’t take illicit drugs, I’m not on any medication, I don’t smoke, and I barely have one drink of alcohol a month (if that) these days. Might have caffeine once or twice a week if I feel I need a wake-up call. According to what I've read, in order to be feeling this way I should technically be depressed, anxious, and bordering on a panic attack. While I admit that I have anxiety (no where near as bad as I have had in the past), I am not depressed and have had three panic attacks in my life, the last of which was over 10 years ago.

Basically – sometimes I will feel as though things aren’t real, and I have to focus myself and force myself to take a look around and determine “No, I am definitely not in a dream right now.”

This has been happening for maybe two or three years now, but I tend to just ignore it most days, it’s a mild annoyance if anything, but it’s there. The feeling of “is this really real?”. I will go to the toilet, just sit there for a few minutes before doing anything simply because I want to make sure I am physically there, in the correct room, not asleep or dreaming or anything. Same with being in the shower, I feel as though I’m not actually in the room and I have to make certain that everything is real before turning the water on.

Also when walking down the street to go to the mall to go shopping or to work, etc. (I don’t drive.) The entire walk feels unreal. “Am I really walking right now? Am I really outside? I’m not imagining this, am I?”

I know that the people of ATS aren’t doctors, therapists, etc. And if it ever gets more severe than this I will sigh hopelessly and finally go to the doctor (Would I really be at the doctor? Would it be real? Haha.) But I’m not asking for any help, am mostly just wondering if anyone here has experienced anything like this, perhaps if anyone would like to share their experiences and/or knowledge, and if anyone has thoughts on the matter.

Just a couple of quotes on the subject:

Derealization or derealisation (sometimes abbreviated as DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring and depth.[1] It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions, such as psychiatric and neurological disorders, and not a standalone disorder.
Derealization is a subjective experience of unreality of the outside world, while depersonalization is unreality in one's sense of self. Although most authors currently regard derealization (surroundings) and depersonalization (self) as independent constructs, many do not want to separate derealization from depersonalization.[2] The main reason for this is nosological, because these symptoms often co-occur, but there is another, more philosophical reason: the idea that the phenomenological experience of self, others, and world is one continuous whole. Thus, feelings of unreality may blend in and the person may puzzle over deciding whether it is the self or the world that feels unreal to them.

en.wikipedia.org...

Depersonalization-derealization disorder occurs when you persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you're observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren't real, or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing and may feel like you're living in a dream.

www.mayoclinic.org...

Episodes of derealization are characterized by a feeling of unreality or detachment from, or unfamiliarity with, the world, be it individuals, inanimate objects, or all surroundings. The individual may feel as if he or she were in a fog, dream, or bubble, or as if there were a veil or a glass wall between the individual and world around. Surroundings may be experienced as artificial, colorless, or lifeless. Derealization is commonly accompanied by subjective visual distortions, such as blurriness, heightened acuity, widened or narrowed visual field, two-dimensionality or flatness, exaggerated three-dimensionality, or altered distance or size of objects, termed macropsia or micropsia.

psychcentral.com...

Thanks for reading, and for any comments on the subject.

I've previously went through a health episode where I just felt weird. I wasnt as smart as I usually am, I had brain fog, I didn't really feel present, I didn't really feel attached to reality, like I knew I was in this world, I just wasnt normally functioning as I do in this world, at times I would feel like I was going into a zone where I was sucked back into a reality void, I would catch myself though and bring myself into the present. Does that kind of sound like your experience?

a reply to: ckhk3

Not quite, no. I have experienced something like that in the past though - when I was depressed. I remember being pretty much mind-blanked back then, in a fog, unattached. Could stare at things for ages, trance-like, nothing going through my mind.

But this is just... I'm not sure how to explain it exactly.

Let's just say a typical morning: Starting at about 4-5am - I'll get out of bed, prepare breakfast, play with my son, turn the computer on, browse the internet. It's all real. Then I'll go to the toilet and suddenly... Hang on a moment, I'm not dreaming, right? I'm really here? I'm not imagining this? Things feel real, okay... I think I'm safe to go... Leave the toilet, and I'm over it.

My partner will get up, I will get ready for work, leave the house, all good. Walking down the street when things seem blurry, unreal. I can smell things, hear things, see cars going past, feel the sun and wind on my face, but I don't "feel" right. Am I really walking right now? Have I really left the house? Focus on the things around me, okay, this is definitely real. This can't be a dream.

It just feels so "unreal". I can't think of any other term to describe it really.

When I get to my destination, it's all over, I live my day, work is fine (still get my "unreal" feeling if going to the bathroom at work).

It's so hard to explain.

a reply to: kaelci

There are quite few possibilities, it could even be some sort of sickness, not just mental disorder but could be connected to some physical problems, there are many mental disorders that but at least some of could be just normal growth, expanding awareness, it could be deep thrive to want to understand what is going on with this world and its human population. It could be spiritual longing and many other causes.

What does feel the most unrealistic while u in that moment, do u have feelings like anger, hate or love, forgiveness running in ur mind more often than not?

It could be battle of realities in u, while personalities/egos/identities can have its hold on and one can be very convinced that is the reality to live in and certain things be merit of it/to thrive for and same time one can be living without all those things mentioned, there are allot of ppl on both paths, so it can be hard times for someone whom goes on with the battle but cannot sort of like choose one or another. I am sort of one of those, whom cannot choose.

a reply to: kaelci

Your soul is struggling with the false reality presented to it by the 'organized' , regimented world around you. This control of our lives on a daily basis to the nth degree goes against our 'grain'. As humans we need to be in control and create our lives. As cogs in the machine we have roles to play, our decisions are made for us.

This sneaking suspicion you have is actually healthy, it shows you're human. Don't let it bother you. Maybe take another look at the ordinary, acceptable aspects of your life that don't fit. When you get this feeling take a look at what you are doing, is that the best thing from a humanitarian perspective?

a reply to: kaelci

Have you researched the vagus nerve?
I ask this because you commented twice about the "episodes" occurring during or after being on the toilet.

Some research indicates that overstimulation of this nerve can lead to some of the symptoms that you've described.
Some folks that I work with actually have a stimulator device implanted under their skin that can control the "electrical" impulses from the nerve to control epileptic seizures.

I certainly am NOT implying that you have epilepsy or need an implant. Just offering a suggestion or direction (perhaps new?) for your research.

Good luck!

originally posted by: romilo
What does feel the most unrealistic while u in that moment, do u have feelings like anger, hate or love, forgiveness running in ur mind more often than not?

I feel pretty neutral when it happens. There's no anger or hate, love or forgiveness.
When my son comes into the bathroom with me, I don't get the "unreal" feeling. I guess because there's someone with me, holding my attention, trying to run away with the toilet paper (lol).

expanding awareness, it could be deep thrive to want to understand what is going on with this world and its human population. It could be spiritual longing and many other causes.

That intrigues me and I would love that to be true, if that is indeed the cause.

originally posted by: intrptr
Your soul is struggling with the false reality presented to it by the 'organized' , regimented world around you. This control of our lives on a daily basis to the nth degree goes against our 'grain'. As humans we need to be in control and create our lives. As cogs in the machine we have roles to play, our decisions are made for us.

This sneaking suspicion you have is actually healthy, it shows you're human. Don't let it bother you. Maybe take another look at the ordinary, acceptable aspects of your life that don't fit. When you get this feeling take a look at what you are doing, is that the best thing from a humanitarian perspective?

This makes a lot of sense to me, actually. I am quite vocal about the "reality" of the world as we know it and how displeased I am with it. I would love to "create" my own life and am in the process of trying to do so, just need to flow with the system before I can go against it.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
Have you researched the vagus nerve?

No, I haven't! This is the first time I've actually heard of it. Will have to do some research on the morrow. Thanks for the suggestion.

a reply to: kaelci

What if reality is in fact not real?

originally posted by: DutchMasterChief
a reply to: kaelci

What if reality is in fact not real?

That is the million dollar question.

a reply to: kaelci

Studied those diseases pretty well. I lived in that state of derealization for a while while on some medicines to treat my epilepsy. When I quit the meds because I was severly intolerant to them I used food chemistry to control it. For almost a year, I used the same chemistry that was in the pills and the derealization kept going.

I switched to using a combination of three different methods to control it, cycling it in the diet. The realization came back pretty well, not as well as if I were to eliminate the chemistry all together though.

The cruciferous veggies give me that derealization. Too much sulfur chemistry of certain kinds does. Onions and garlic, not so much. Asparagus is stronger than the cruciferous veggies. It is what the sulfur does in the body that is the clue. It can move things around and activate some of their properties. These veggies have a doping effect. Raw spinach creates a lot of Gaba but is not really a goitrogen.

I have had depersonalization disorder all my life, it gives me the ability to look at things from the side and I like this.

a reply to: rickymouse

Interesting in that it could be diet related.

I admit that I am not the best when it comes to my diet. I don't eat breakfast most the time, my first meal of the day is usually a sandwich (if at home) or kebab (if at work) for lunch. And then whatever for dinner, trying to save as much money as possible so we tend to live on various cheap mince/pasta or sausage/potato meals for dinner instead of anything actually delicious and fancy.

Main vegetables being - onion and garlic, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower and potato. Sometimes some spinach if I feel like making some savoury muffins, quiche, or cobb loaf and dip. I'll be honest and say it's usually just onion, carrots, and potato though.

originally posted by: kaelci
a reply to: rickymouse

Interesting in that it could be diet related.

I admit that I am not the best when it comes to my diet. I don't eat breakfast most the time, my first meal of the day is usually a sandwich (if at home) or kebab (if at work) for lunch. And then whatever for dinner, trying to save as much money as possible so we tend to live on various cheap mince/pasta or sausage/potato meals for dinner instead of anything actually delicious and fancy.

Main vegetables being - onion and garlic, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower and potato. Sometimes some spinach if I feel like making some savoury muffins, quiche, or cobb loaf and dip. I'll be honest and say it's usually just onion, carrots, and potato though.

In some people the scopalamine could possibly cause an effect like that. www.123helpme.com...

My family has eaten them for many generations and I actually feel a little less hyper when I eat them. They sort of bring me back down to normal. There is another chemical in potatoes, nicotine and another niacin, that make up for the effect of the lowering of acetylcholine. But they could make you a little depersonalized.

If you have reduced CYP 450 enzyme activity, it is hard to break down the chemistry in the cruciferous veggies. They do put some of this cruciferous like chemistry in foods, classified as a preserveative, that is somewhat active too. Of course they are not going to tell us that these sulfur compounds are actually doping us, they are just antioxidant chemistry.

Eat more foods that contain molybdenum and it will help you with sulfur and nitrogen chemistry induced doping. It is found in nuts and seeds and in Oatmeal and cheerios in decent amounts. I used to have a link to good site that had the content of many microminerals in foods but my last computer took a dump. You could just try a multimineral/multivitamin tablet with molybdenum in it too. They started putting it in many multivitamins now, it is actually an essential mineral

a reply to: kaelci

I know this thread is a bit old but I thought I would return a favour.

What you are going through is what I would call being actually awake but choosing to remain within your own head.

Go out and about in nature, spend more time with family doing something different, go for a walk or a drive without direction, go to a music concert you would not normally go to, do something out of the ordinary, say yes to things that scare you and snap yourself out of the whole thinking about thinking about how you are thinking.
Most people are just going to elaborate, very elaborately about what you have said as we get stuck in our own heads (cannot think of a better way of putting it)

Let your life loose, live it and go with the flow, the irony is that if you get the flow, you get the life you want in a sense. If you reach that point (it can be tough to get there) don't stop and think too much or you will only self sabotage, once you pass that point. Everyone around you wants you to live in their heads (that's the real challenge) enjoy your life and don't think so much for crying out loud

I mean, lets say im full of S**t here... you like writing. Writer's draw on experience. So go experience a lot of different things yourself, with others and then write!

Hello, just curious if anyone here is succesful living a happy life and making good decisions even with the underlying disociative disorder..