How much do you give back?

A few weeks back, I started a thread about feeling guilty for being being at a point in my life where I'm successful, happy and content.

It doesn't happen that often but, I questioned other members if they ever felt that way too. I would post a link to the OP but, it isn't working for some reason.


Another member suggested that is was because I didn't give back enough of myself and my time.

I know it's not the case because I've realized where my guilt resonates from. (Guilt for moving beyond people that didn't work as hard as me to better their lives. Friends and family that shun me for being successful.)

But, It did make me evaluate what I give of myself to the rest of my community. So, thanks Astyanax for giving me a reason to self evaluate.

I am blessed to be in a position where I am a stay at home mom. It gives me time that I wouldn't normally have if I worked a 9 - 5 job. Don't get me wrong, being a stay at home mom is NOT easy but, during the school year, I have a few hours to spare when all else is done.

So, here is what I give back.

I volunteer at both of my children's schools 2 hours a week each doing various things....depends on what they need help with.

I use to work at our local hospital so, I volunteer there a couple hours every week.

And then, I volunteer for our local Hospice because I worked there for a couple of years too. (Very bitter sweet experience)

My oldest son and I volunteer at the local food bank twice a month because I want him to understand the importance of helping people in need. My youngest is getting to the age where he can help too. Oh, and we always donate food to the bank as well....that's just a given.

I don't do it as often as I use to, maybe once every two months but, I volunteer for our local literacy group. I haven't felt like I'm giving back much for awhile so, I don't give it as much time.

So, that's it. That is what I give back.

It may not seem like much to some but, that's all I got.

How 'bout you?


Edit: I can't believe I left this out: My husband and I both help with all sports our kids are involved in....mainly baseball for now.

I'm usually team mom and he is either coach or mgr. That is the most time consuming activity of all!

I think that sociopaths have a good thing sometimes as they don't feel guilt or remorse for any of their actions or inactions. I am not without empathy and feeling, but I don't feel guilt for things like you are describing. I don't feel 'bad' because I am happy or guilty for something people did 100 years before I was born.

I wonder if part of it is your conditioning? I know that schools and colleges these days like to stick guilt on kids for 'past sins' and 'social justice' issues. This is similar to the way religious institutions try to saddle their congregations with guilt for their 'sins'. For me I simply always refused to accept their narrative.

Maybe instead of worrying about how much you give back or feeling guilt for being happy you should take a more analytical approach and figure out where those feelings come from. Are they feelings that you simply have or were they 'given' to you by someone else. If they were given to you then I suggest you try to deprogram yourself. If they are something you just have then I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I would say that feeling guilty just for being happy and content is not something I would choose to feel.

Anyway, good luck and I hope you can figure it all out.

originally posted by: Metallicus
I think that sociopaths have a good thing sometimes as they don't feel guilt or remorse for any of their actions or inactions. I am not without empathy and feeling, but I don't feel guilt for things like you are describing. I don't feel 'bad' because I am happy or guilty for something people did 100 years before I was born.

I wonder if part of it is your conditioning? I know that schools and colleges these days like to stick guilt on kids for 'past sins' and 'social justice' issues. This is similar to the way religious institutions try to saddle their congregations with guilt for their 'sins'. For me I simply always refused to accept their narrative.

Maybe instead of worrying about how much you give back or feeling guilt for being happy you should take a more analytical approach and figure out where those feelings come from. Are they feelings that you simply have or were they 'given' to you by someone else. If they were given to you then I suggest you try to deprogram yourself. If they are something you just have then I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I would say that feeling guilty just for being happy and content is not something I would choose to feel.

Anyway, good luck and I hope you can figure it all out.

I've thought this issue through...I understand where it comes from now.

This post originated from another post where I hadn't really looked within to figure out where it was coming from....

I now know why I sometimes feel the way I do.

I know that it stems from growing up around a certain type of people that I felt a certain type of loyalty towards.

Time and education distanced me from them.

I feel guilty for moving past their scope of knowledge and understanding...even though I know they would never understand what I know anyway.

It still makes me sad sometimes.

Surely someone can relate.

I will simplify:

I grew up around a bunch of dumbass, backwards thinking idiots. I actually had a brain and put it to good use.


Now I feel bad that they are still stuck in the god damn dark ages while I'm living a good life.

I wish they could open their minds enough to experience what I have but, I know it will never happen.

That makes me sad.

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

Everyone has a right to be where they are at in their development. We all take steps on a path to grow. There is nothing wrong with moving on from belief systems you have outgrown, but don't worry about where someone else is...we have all been there before we became what we are now.

Timewise we don't have much. We're a big commuter family, so it's nothing to spend as much as two hours or more in the car every day for all of us. By the time the weekend roles around, it's big family and housework time.

Our giving is more little things to help out where we go - people who need help (flat tires, out of gas, I can't reach, dropped my stuff, holding doors, etc.), making sure stuff is put away nicely, giving some extra money to this or that charity who's having a fundraiser, buying extra groceries for the local food banks, volunteering some time to help the school or helping out the extended family with food, work, etc. And the neighborhood kids know we're suckers for all their school fundraisers.

We also donate a lot of our stuff when we're done with it. I take good care of our clothing, so it almost never looks badly worn (unless we're talking our son's pants - blown knees).

a reply to: MagesticEsoteric

I think I can understand how you feel, at least somewhat.
I'm not sure that we will ever feel like we do enough...

My husband's family is...well...troublesome sometimes.
My BIL lives with us. He suffers from some physical and emotional/psychological ailments.
He won't work. He doesn't come out of his bedroom much except to eat. He will rarely go in public except to maybe the corner store...anywho...we take care of him. I suppose in a sense we are giving back in that the taxpayers aren't supporting him although he does receive about 200 a month in snap benefits.
One of the other BILs called yesterday and sort of invited himself and family to dinner on Thanksgiving. I know it is because they don't have much. I don't mind as we usually have always had big gatherings but, since Mom has passed it is a chore for me to put it on.

We also give to as many school fundraisers as we can. They are always in front of the grocery store or having a car wash.

Of course we do the Special Olympics every year. We drop off canned goods, etc. to the local spots.

The Angel Tree is right around the corner and THAT is always fun to do...we love to shop!
Random things throughout our days, buying someone's lunch, or paying for something in line so they don't have to put it back if they're short.
My job keeps us fairly busy in "giving back". Many times throughout the year, we deliver food to employees on shift and have dinners at the main office. There are a lot of parties and gatherings that we help out with.

We donate our clothes, coats, books, magazines, etc.
I like to think that giving spirit resonates with my children and becomes a habit for them also. Just Friday, my daughter needed a poster board. We had to buy a pack of them. She took them to school. That afternoon,, I asked what she did with the rest of them (as she only needed one). She said Mom you wouldn't believe how many kids didn't have one.

I used to /and sometimes still do get mad at some of my family for just not having the gumption to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get moving.
One BIL is an addict who is facing prison...again.
One lives in his bedroom.
One is an alcoholic who will "bless" us with his presence on Turkey Day.

It can't all be in the way we are raised as all of them (my S.O. included) were raised by the same people.

I understand the "guilt" to a degree. My husband will not tell them anything good or give specifics about good things that happen to us as he doesn't want them to feel bad or if for instance, he were to win 10 on a "scratch off" they feel as if he should give them 5 of it...

I took care of Mom for years after dad passed. THAT was MY responsibility. Not anyone else's.
I took in my nephews from state custody. THAT was MY responsibility.
We take care of my husband's brother. THAT is OUR responsibility (although we could use a little help from other siblings).

I think it comes down to what a person feels is ultimately THEIR responsibilities on this planet.
I think we will take care of our family first and others as we are able.
I think if more people took care of their families first, the needs of the "others" may not be so great.

Sorry for the ramblings!
I hope something in there makes sense!
LOL

a reply to: TNMockingbird

No, that sounds similar. We don't quite have the family issues. Ours are at a remove. My sister deals directly with the family issues like you describe, and we deal with the backwash of those issues in a support role because she and her husband really are stretched way too thin.

a reply to: ketsuko

So good of you to support, in whatever way you can.

Sometimes, that is all one really needs. Just to know they are appreciated and supported.