Random thoughts about water, fish, and triggers

So…I’m not sure where I am going yet so please bear with me.
A MOD (one of my faves…LOL…maybe it’s the Avatar!) started a thread this morning revealing insights into his personal struggles and some analogies about how those who don’t suffer this particular set of problems could maybe find understanding and compassion for those who do.
He or someone responding mentioned “triggers”. I can completely understand the “triggers”. At least that’s some of what I got from the thread.
I did some posting and went to take a shower after a very long night of reading, visiting web pages (cheating, as it were, on ATS), and of course reading threads and checking in on some of my favorite posters on ATS.
I’ve had insomnia for many years. I sleep walk sometimes. You know the old adage of “never wake up a sleepwalker”? Well my S.O. woke me up sitting behind the wheel of a car once. The engine was warm!
Anyway, nights of not sleeping come and go and I just wake up and think “huh…wonder what’s on my mind THIS time?!”. So back to the shower…
I’m in there looking at all of the shampoo bottles. You know, some people read the ingredients! LOL!

I started thinking about the water just flowing down from the top of my head and over my body, the sound of it and nothing else, the way water makes me feel. It truly is cleansing, to me, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
I used to take baths constantly. I mean EVERYDAY. Sometimes more than once a day. My S.O used to laugh about me “soaking in my own filth”…I would say “Uh…I’m not dirty!”…
I would read in the tub, smoke, drink, talk on the phone (I know!), write recipes, all sorts of things…When I get cold, I call it “cold to the bone”, I used to always take a bath. It seems at times to be the only thing that could get me warm again so I could function! When I was very young I read an article that suggested one fill the tub and let the water out while lying still. If you feel panic, it meant "something" can't remember what exactly...LOL. Okay, so back to the shower…

Another member of ATS posted that she is going through some very hard times with her Mom. Of course it brought back the memories of my situation with my Mom and truly I wished I was there with her (the OP who is a sweetie) to help. I learned some of those lessons and they were hard learned. In the shower I started thinking about that as well.

About 10 minutes in, it hit me! Like a ton of bricks! I was just cruising along and wham! Finally the water turned cold. I am afraid that I would still be in there had it not! I have been fighting back the tears all day. Triggers…at least it happened TODAY when I don't have work although I am blessed to be able to work from home when the need arises.

Recently, we moved from our house on the lake to, almost, the center of town. I began to think about how I’ve always wanted/needed to be within just an hour or two drive from the water. I wonder why some people crave/need the water? I can hardly contain myself the entire year until we go back to the ocean. I am currently landlocked and really feel this and think that part of my returning insomnia could be the lack of water around me. I know it’s only 5 minutes away ( my former home) but, it is NOT out my back door anymore. I used to spend a lot of time there.
Most of my life has been spent around water in some form be a river, lake, ocean, swamp…I don’t know if it’s because I’m older that is just bothers me more? And I wonder if anyone else feels this way?
My BIL loves the mountains and woods and would NEVER want to live near the ocean…we’ve had that conversation before.
We have a little repartee between us.
I’ll say, “Know what I’m gonna do when I grow up?”
He says, “Live on the beach?”
“Yep”, I say…

Maybe some humans still feel drawn to the sea…

Neuroscientist Michael Crawford of the University of North London has proposed that our ancient ancestors were devotees of the sea, and that their devotion paid off by allowing the human species to develop large and complex brains.

Live Science

We eat our fair share of fish but, possibly some of us need to eat more!

Scientists have also discovered that people who eat fish regularly, like I've been doing since we crossed the Maine state line, are less like to suffer from depression than those who eschew seafood.

This psychiatrist and biochemist at the U.S. Public Health Service and National Institutes of Health thinks that across cultures there is a direct correlation between ounces of fish eaten each week and rates of depression.
The Omega Man

Okay so, with Deepwater, Fukushima Daiichi, and 100000 other things that are affecting our oceans are we sentencing ourselves (the human race) to doom? If we can’t eat the fish and supplements aren’t good enough…AND there are side effects to those and you can’t mix them with certain meds AND some people can’t process them…
People get depressed, we go to big Pharma (at the advice of our Dr.s) for help, and then some, wind up shooting up a school or a workplace or their own families!
I’m not sure what the answers are. The side effects of the medications are almost as scary as trying to live with the diseases untreated.

Mayo
THEN we trust Doctors to diagnose correctly when in reality it is JUST A GUESS. Their best educated guess, grant you but, a guess none the less and then you spend years and years being treated for something you don’t have by drugs that are never going to work and so on and so on and so on.
Psyche Central


Anyway, thanks for your time…the original subject WAS going to be “why are some people drawn toward the water” and “triggers”…unfortunately I went off on a tangent and can’t decide if this is a rant or chit chat…thanks anyway for the outlet!



AND...here's how it goes....