Start Looking Back, Start Giving Back More

We live in an egotistical materialistic society, and if you don't realize that--you haven't been paying attention.

I notice that rarely because long ago I stopped associated with people that bought into the idea of mass consumption as a means towards sustained happiness. The vast majority of people I hang around derive satisfaction from exploring their physical and mental limits via an assortment of hobbies and activities.

They lift weights to improve their bodies; they meditate to discipline their minds. They climb rocks and race cars to keep fear at bay.

And they strive always towards achieving apex results at whatever they endeavor.

But every once in awhile I find myself tangentially exposed unto that consumerist world I work hard at leaving behind. And one of those events happened the other day when a friend contacted one of his friends for a little help.

My friend is in the process of searching for a better job, and before commencing that search he wanted polish up his resume. So he contacted his friend--a girl he knows that's head of PR for a mid-sized company, and asked for her help:

All he wanted was some notes on things he could fix on his resume--structuring, phrasing, whatever.

All she wanted was to be paid.

Note this is someone who already makes a decent six-figure salary at her job. And note also this is someone he's known for over a decade and a half (since she was fourteen).

This is someone whom he introduced to her current husband (who also pulls in a ~150k-200k salary).

This is someone we've carried out of bars and rescued when she drank herself into oblivion.

But none of that seemed to register on her moral radar. Because weeks after he made the initial request she sent back her "notes," which politely ended with a request for payment if he really wanted her help (and an offer to give him the "friend discount").

My astonishment ran deep--having long been removed from the corporate dog-eat-dog world, I'd forgotten people like those exist. And it made me a little sad that she'd actually take money from her friend who in no way comes anywhere near her own income level.

So immediately I started analyzing her perspective. And the lesson I learned in some ways applies to us all.

Because that poor girl found herself in the situation where she could've done a lot of good for another human being, but instead chose to convert it into a situation that would do a lot of monetary good for herself.

What did she do wrong?

She focused in the wrong direction.

Instead of glancing behind her where my friend was wallowing in low-income states with serious resume issues, she kept her eyes facing forward--and she kept her sights obtained on what she other consumerist crap she could get for herself if she only pushed a little harder and made a little more.

On some level we're all guilty of doing that. Instead of taking the money we've got laying around and giving it to charity, we go out and buy more electronic garbage we don't need. Instead of taking the time we've got available and donating it to a worthy cause, we lay around a little bit longer on the couch.

Those are the subtle traps into which we fall when we keep our eyes looking ahead and our thoughts upon getting that which benefits ourselves.

But on every level that needs cease.

I'm working hard at remaining cognizant of that lesson, so the next time a situation like that arises, I put my resources where they can do the most good: Towards serving the greatest good of those less fortunate than myself.

If we all start doing that on a more regular basis, we'll swift manufacture a far better society than the one in which we're living.

So start looking back--and start giving back more.

And while that friend of a friend keeps working on further increasing her already lavish household income, the rest of us will keep working on bringing humanity forward into new states of evolution.

And while she's still searching for a way to make a few more dollars, we'll all be spending our time on a more productive cause:

Searching for ways to benefit each other.

S&F for you. That would be a way to revitalize the country and the world. You dont have to quit thinking about yourself. However , take a bit of time and resources and help someone else.
Dont have much else to reply with....you about said it all.

Perhaps you've underestimated her motives.


Instead of "I can make money out of this situation"...

She may have thought "if he really wants a good resume, and a good career, he's got to be willing to make an investment monetarily to prove he's serious"... That way of thinking is quite common among the financially better, it seems... The psychology behind it I'm guessing is that in order to get out you need to be willing to put something in... And in order for other people to take your seriously in that highly competitive world you need to be seem !taking personal sacrifices in order to show others you are serious and willing to make short term losses for long term gains...

I'm not saying thats actually what went through her head, but it is a possibility you seem to have not considered.

originally posted by: Gothmog
S&F for you. That would be a way to revitalize the country and the world. You dont have to quit thinking about yourself. However , take a bit of time and resources and help someone else.
Dont have much else to reply with....you about said it all.

Thanks!

Yeah, that's all it'd take is a little giving back from each of us and we could alleviate a serious percentage of the suffering currently going on in this world.

originally posted by: nonjudgementalist

She may have thought "if he really wants a good resume, and a good career, he's got to be willing to make an investment monetarily to prove he's serious"... That way of thinking is quite common among the financially better, it seems... The psychology behind it I'm guessing is that in order to get out you need to be willing to put something in... And in order for other people to take your seriously in that highly competitive world you need to be seem !taking personal sacrifices in order to show others you are serious and willing to make short term losses for long term gains...

I'm not saying thats actually what went through her head, but it is a possibility you seem to have not considered.

Totally possible. And I honestly would prefer if my assessment of the situation is wrong.

I want her to be better inside than she actions showed, so I really hope you're right.

Thanks for the counter-perspective!

I would like to think sometimes there is a time to help and other times there is a time to charge a fee. When someone is genuinely in need of help and really doesn't have much to live on, will one take money from that person? Or if someone is a habitual drunkard who waste's money and is caught in a situation such as this, should one be obliged to charge this kind of people in need.

But in any case, if I have enough for myself I always help for free. To me if the person appreciates my help than I will have made another friend, and that what matters for me.

Peace

a reply to: Trachel

Busy ambitious people can't afford to look back. What, are you trying to make them feel guilty? Guilt costs time is money. Its just business, don't take it personal. Now pay up.

Some people are always on the take. The worst are the ones that hardly come over, never ask how you're doin', drink your water, eat your food, use your toilet and always leave out the door with some of your belongings.

How do they do that?

a reply to: InnerPeace2012

I would like to think sometimes there is a time to help and other times there is a time to charge a fee.

TO assist someone else - no fee or minimal
AS a part of a profession during work hours - fee
not set in stone though

a reply to: Trachel

Another thread showcasing your big, noble heart, Trachel.

Unfortunately, you are far too optimistic, altruistic, loving and caring about your fellow beings for the society in which you currently live. If more people were like you, the world would be a better place. The reality of the situation is that most people are not like you and will seek to gain somehow from their service to others. You cannot change them, but the upside is that they cannot change you either.

You are fighting a losing battle trying to change societal attitudes that have been ingrained in us for centuries.

originally posted by: Dark Ghost
a reply to: Trachel

You are fighting a losing battle trying to change societal attitudes that have been ingrained in us for centuries.

Disagree completely. I'm fighting the only fight worth fighting--mastery over the self, perfection of the spirit, then aiding my fellow human beings.

Humanity will change or it'll implode... that's a sad given. So if you don't wanna see this civilization and species crash and burn as another failed experiment in seeding the universe with more sentient life, you'd best start fighting that struggle alongside me.

originally posted by: Trachel

originally posted by: nonjudgementalist

She may have thought "if he really wants a good resume, and a good career, he's got to be willing to make an investment monetarily to prove he's serious"... That way of thinking is quite common among the financially better, it seems... The psychology behind it I'm guessing is that in order to get out you need to be willing to put something in... And in order for other people to take your seriously in that highly competitive world you need to be seem !taking personal sacrifices in order to show others you are serious and willing to make short term losses for long term gains...

I'm not saying thats actually what went through her head, but it is a possibility you seem to have not considered.

Totally possible. And I honestly would prefer if my assessment of the situation is wrong.

I want her to be better inside than she actions showed, so I really hope you're right.

Thanks for the counter-perspective!

Also speculating here.... but something in her past might cause her to worry about money, even if from the outside looking in she seems to be in great financial shape.

I know some people who, relative to my own financial situation, seem to be loaded. Of them, some of them are plain old cheap. However, getting to know one of them in particular, it turned out that when he was a young child his parents had a very comfortable lifestyle until something happened with the family business and they essentially went broke. With that history, I can understand (even if I don't agree with it) how some people can feel they must always but away more and more cash.

originally posted by: eluryh22Also speculating here.... but something in her past might cause her to worry about money, even if from the outside looking in she seems to be in great financial shape.

I know some people who, relative to my own financial situation, seem to be loaded. Of them, some of them are plain old cheap. However, getting to know one of them in particular, it turned out that when he was a young child his parents had a very comfortable lifestyle until something happened with the family business and they essentially went broke. With that history, I can understand (even if I don't agree with it) how some people can feel they must always but away more and more cash.

Great point. It's entirely true she might be caught in the mental snare of believing more cash is entirely necessary.

But that raises the ethical concern of whether she wants siphon that additional wealth from those less fortunate than herself. And that's a tricky road--because once you decide you're justified in increasing your living standard by exploiting those beneath you... well, that's kind of how this planet got into the mess it's in.

Just my 0.02. Thanks for the perspective!