Crying and Trying

Crying and Trying

I am scared. I try so hard to fight it. The pain is overwhelming. Crying helps, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. Trying only does so much.

Physical and mental.

It never dissipates.

How do I overcome the constant barrage? Every day is a battle. It's not easy. Does praying to my higher power make it bearable? No. Do pain pills or alcohol alleviate the distress? No. Does meditation free me from the fortress of solitude corrupted by the inability to overcome? No.

Then how do I manage to beat it, everyday? A simple reminder. The alternative is not much better. Could it be worse? Yes. Sure I am in pain and it is unbearable, but it also, allows me to appreciate life.

I am thankful for the pain and the hurt and the mental anguish of coping. Thankful? How is that possible? If I wasn't feeling and dealing and crying and trying, it would mean something entirely different has happened.

I speak and write often about spirituality and the soul and how the light is so important to me and the evolution of my eternal being, why would I want to continue this journey when there is something better waiting?

Part of that evolutionary process is to be human and to feel emotions and to learn from choices, I want to continue until this journey takes another path. How will I know it is time?

Whatever my destination is in my next incarnation, I want to get there when I am supposed to, I do not want a premature exit, I do not want to let the curtain fall until the final act has been written.

When I am lying in bed crying, wondering how to keep trying, I only need to feel one emotion to get through the pain, the love I get from my spouse, my soul mate, all it takes is for one touch and the hurt becomes more bearable.

I can relate to pain and to crying, but if we had more details, we might be able to help you better. HUGS!

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

I would say keep your chin up but that seems too cliché. I would also say one foot in front of the other, but that is also
too handy a phrase.
Then again, perhaps we hold to those clichés so tightly because they are true. Peace be with you.

I think its ment more to be an ode to her spouse. Nicely written

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Excellent read and well written!

In the end, we are all human!

Thank you for taking the time and writing this. I understand how you feel. I once was unable to open up and express my feelings because I was afraid my friends or family wouldn't care. As a matter of fact, they don't care. I mean sure; they may care and understand my feelings, but they don't understand my thoughts. I go everyday wondering what my family and friends are thinking about and it saddens me to know that it's not the things I hope they would be thinking about. It's either material this or material that.

Don't get me wrong, I love materialistic things. The Universe is full of wonderful matter and antimatter. It just makes me sick to my stomach that when I ask someone how they are, I get the "routine". Then if I try and ask beyond that, I get a huh, or you're silly to be thinking like that.

Where are the others?

I know. They're right here in front of me.

You aren't alone, SoulPower.

Remember that.

Glad you have a spouse.

There are those of us who have to endure solo.

originally posted by: corvuscorrax
Glad you have a spouse.

There are those of us who have to endure solo.

I agree and it hurts at the same time!!

Ouch my brain!

Yes the hurt can be unbearable most of the time. I lost my home, my car, and most of all my wife last year. All one can do is realize that one must follow life's path in all it's twist and curves as all paths lead to the same place.
While on this path remember that time is of no issue as everything happens for a reason and things will improve eventually. There is never an answer to when this will be but it will happen when everything that should be falls into place.

a reply to: soulpowertothendegree

Oh gosh, I feel so bad for you! I don't know what's causing your pain, but you're in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you. I hope things get better for you.

Happiness is irrelevant, you need to focus on being strong.

Face your inner demons and acknowledge them with your internal dialogue. Direct your gaze inward and tell yourself to leave it be, and that the thoughts and emotions are not conductive to what you are currently doing. Direct your mind to what is in front of you and remain in the present. Scream at yourself internally if need be. This helps me tremendously. Takes practice but it becomes detrimental to my mental health on a daily basis. Tell yourself you can't afford to be weak as well.


ETA: you are the master of your mind and thoughts. Always remember that.

a reply to: Night Star

Easier to tell strangers. Thanks for the spiritual hug sweety. Really not much anyone can do for me other than to send some positive energy in my direction. The journey is set in stone. Just know this, my time at ATS has been medicinal. It has allowed me the opportunity to voice my feelings on many subjects. When I am not around to spice up the boards with my sarcasm and witty banter, I still hope I will be missed.

a reply to: quercusrex

Cliche` is my middle name. Thanks, the double chin is up as high as can be. I appreciate the spirit lifting. Bless you and take care.

a reply to: Macenroe82

I take solace in one thing, we will never be apart spiritually. My rock will be forever attached to that beautiful soul that I have been so fortunate to find. Ode? Body odor maybe! Just kidding, yeah, wouldn't make through the day otherwise.

a reply to: ExternalForces

Thank you, but in the end we are the sum total of our life and the spirit will live on. This vessel just served a purpose for me to continue the evolution of my soul. I can take pride in the fact I have done my best and being with a truly wonderful soul these past few years has made it all the more special, makes me long for purgatory and the chance to be a ghostly presence.

We will be together again soon though, I think I will just be moving on after all. For those of you that have been kind enough to respond to me, thank you and bless you.

a reply to: corvuscorrax

Solo is not bad if the lessons need to be learned first before finding the one you can endure. I was alone once and I needed to be so I could work things out first. I had to be able to love myself and find my spirit before I could adore another. Now, my spouse will have the strength to carry on and find me down the road.

a reply to: LookingForABetterLife

I do my best to follow the pluses and not focus on the minuses. I am a better soul for having gone through this life. I would not know pain if I did not know joy. I would not know hurt if I did not know healing. We do make choices and travel different paths with many valuable lessons to learn along the way.

Material things can be replaced, the love of someone you cherish can never be taken away.

Bless you and be well.

a reply to: ChiefD

You have a good soul. Thank you dear, but I have the best help I can have, my soul mate beside me and my higher power guiding me. I will not turn down a good positive push and a hug though.

Take care and bless you.

a reply to: theyknowwhoyouare

Happiness takes on many forms and is completely subjective. Being strong, that I am. Crying and trying are part of the experience.

I have gained very valuable insight from being involved over the years with many special people, some bad and some good. Happiness for me is just knowing I have done my best to achieve my goals along the way.