Yeah, So I'm Cranky

I'm just putting this here to let everyone know that I may be and have been a bit cranky. It's nothing personal, and I'm not intending to be short with anyone for any particular reason. It's just that I'm operating from a fairly dark place at the moment. Life has not been kind to my friends and family these last two months. We've been hit with two deaths, a miscarriage/death and the knowledge that a little boy not much younger than my own son only has maybe five more years to live.

It's been a not-so-happy time, and it's a lot to process. I've been trying not to let it spill out and over, but I'm sure it has.

I've lost a cousin who was hit by a truck and trailer while on a bicycle ride. She was dead before she hit the pavement. A friend and coworker of my husband's miscarried after 12 hours of labor. The child was only 12 weeks along, but lived for a few hours. Long enough for them to name him and say good-bye. My husband's #2 at work and another friend is the one whose son only maybe has five more years to live. She found that out a couple weeks ago after finding out he was not a candidate for a surgery that might have added another decade. And then a couple days ago, a coworker my husband went to bat for to get hired who was younger than both of us died of colon cancer that was diagnosed in February.

I am not asking for sympathy. Only explaining where my mood comes from. I am in no way apologizing for my opinions. They are my own and I'd still have them no matter what, but I might not be phrasing them quite the same if my usual zen weren't quite as perturbed. So, fair warning, you may catch the rougher side of my tongue than usual. It's not intentional, and I may not even be aware of it although I am working to keep it under wraps.

Anyhow, carry on.

a reply to: ketsuko

Stay strong.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6, 7


No power in the sky above or in the earth below, indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39

a reply to: infolurker

I'm thinking though this is what my dream meant.

I was on a broad highway with lots of cars, and all the cars around me got into this huge wreck, but my car stopped just short. I got out and I remember breaking down into tears because I felt so helpless and like I should have been able to do something. I remember the driver of my car got out and came around and comforted me and told me it wasn't my fault.

Well here I am, and it seems like everyone around me is in personal tragedy and turmoil. And I feel awful about it even though there isn't anything I can do or could do. God is right. It's not my fault any of this happened, and there is little that can be done except to offer comfort and support where I can.

a reply to: ketsuko

Hi there.

That is so much grief to handle. I'm so sorry you are having this happen all in one go. I have had that happen where so much of my world was lost in a very short time. I thought it was some nasty experience meant just for me, but life taught me it happens to many and the best of us. Sometimes I thought I was being punished for something, but that is not the answer. During grief there is much guilt, too.

People are very vulnerable during these low times so do keep yourself safe.

Sending you a big virtual hug. Wishing blessings upon you and your loved ones. Just the care of a stranger,

Ketsuko,

I'm so very sorry to hear you and those around you are going through so much. I know you aren't asking for sympathy, but I will offer my understanding, and I will put you, your family and those situations in my prayers. I have been through much myself, and sometimes it can spill out in ways we don't intend, or are even conscious of = I totally get that. Your dream interpretation feels spot-on to me - and none of it is your fault, or in your power to heal. The best any of us can do in that situation is offer what small comfort we can; bring over a meal if appropriate, listen, say some prayers, and turn it over to a Higher Power than our own.

peace,
AB

originally posted by: ketsuko
I'm just putting this here to let everyone know that I may be and have been a bit cranky.
Anyhow, carry on.

You have my sympathies.

Don't worry though, you have been much much less grouchy than many members here on ATS!

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

a reply to: ketsuko

Sorry you're going through all that. Stay strong and if you need to vent, vent. That's what the rant section is for. If that doesn't help just go someplace private and scream. Don't let it eat you up and swallow you whole.

a reply to: ketsuko
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow never comes. Make this day the best day you can for you and those around you. Remain strong. Being grumpy is part of life. I really hadn't notice any grumpy coming from you.

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. All we can do is take one day at a time I guess. I have found that you have to be strong in this life because sometimes it throws a lot of crap our way. HUGS!

a reply to: ketsuko

Thats all bloody awful.

*VAST HUG*

Sympathy, whether asked for or not, is the only response I know how to have to this sort of stimulus. I am sorry that you are going through all these things, both individually, and as a whole smorgasbord of suck in totality.

a reply to: ketsuko

Like others have said, just stay strong, and I hope things turn around for you.

And I'm libertarian-minded and an atheist--am I even capable of sympathy?

a reply to: ketsuko

Hey I like your style of cranky, we've crossed swords a couple of times but I enjoy your articulated crankiness, whether or not life is treating you good or bad.
Hope your situation gets better soon, it will for sure, and I myself sometimes wish I had a fast forward/rewind/pause button for life events but hey, the events shape us.

Feel free to use me as an avenue for crankiness if you like. Read some of the things I post and if you disagree with anything you can release the beast on me, at least you know I won't be rocking in a chair with crazed eyes all upset, I'll be loving the challenge!