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originally posted by: Bluesma
Granted, the point is valid, and I agree. But we must keep in mind the very large numbers of young men who are tricked by claims of "I am on the pill, it's okay.", and accidental or even intentional pregnancy happens.
But I also have become aware that there are many fathers, who faced with the idea of having a child at first, consider that with the mother to help him, guide him, and be a compliment to that which he lacks, he gains some confidence in how well he might be able to fulfil the role.
When the relationship falls apart, that confidence falls apart.... with her to help me, I might have been able to figure it out. But all alone? I am only going to screw it up! I have no idea how to do this, I don't have the financial or emotional resources...or.... I am only going to replay what I know which was my own fathers terribly terrible parenting that I feel did me more harm than good!
originally posted by: eletheia
My daughter instilled into her son that unless he was ready to be a father it was
his responsibility to double up regardless of what the girlfriend
was on.
I think I covered most of this in my previous post, however although a
young mother may 'put on a hard face' she is just whistling in the dark,
as she has no recourse but to soldier on and take on the complete
responsibility for a 'new human being' with all the same emotional
turmoil you mention above.
originally posted by: Bluesma
I guess I didn't catch your point about the past and forced adoptions in relation to this.
No recourse? Putting a child up for adoption is not only an option, but socially encouraged. Abortion is an option, though how socially acceptable it is depends upon the community one is in. They have those choices. Men do not.
originally posted by: Bluesma
I am aware of those past elements.
I simply do not get what the relevance is here, now, with what I am saying.
Women NOW have possibilities, they have choices, they are neither forced to keep a child nor put it up for adoption.
Men do not have those possibilities.
originally posted by: eletheia
If they do not want to maintain a relationship with their child they
can always consider that the baby has been adopted ....
only by the real mother.
There's' two choices ...
originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: Bluesma
. He never paid a penny in child support nor did he ever seek any kind of relationship with his child.
originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: TrueBrit
I didn't say all men do this. But if there is a scenario where the man does not want a child and the mother decides to give birth anyway then the man will simply walk away . He won't spend time convincing the mother to put the child up for adoption he will just bug out. That scene has been played over and over again. I'm willing to bet that unless the couple was already married the man will just leave. No strings. If they were married its different. Most men will support and want a relationship with their child. But when it's a teen that story changes . I did have a bad experience but I don't condemn all men. I also don't pretend that this ability to just walk away doesn't exist.
originally posted by: Bluesma
No, they can't.
Legally, they are obligated to pay child support anyway, in the US. Whether the mother wants it or not, the state goes after them and makes them pay- whether they have accepted paternity rights or not, the obligations remain.
To make that fair, you'd have to make women who put their babies up for adoption pay child support payments to the adoptive parents.
also,
Socially, they will be called a "dead beat dad" - should we call young mothers who put their babies up for adoption "dead beat moms" as well?
originally posted by: eletheia
Here in the UK .... They CAN and they DO.
Why?? in giving her child up for adoption she is relinquishing all
rights to the child who is going to a new home to become a family.
No ... They have not 'walked away' they have responsibly looked for an
alternative life for the child, in their minds a better life than she was
capable of giving it, and some may say she has made a sacrifice to
give her child a better life than she could have ever provided.
However as today there is no stigma to being a single mother and
abortion is accessible, I don't believe that it happens very much, and
couples wanting to adopt are more and more having to go abroad to
do so because of a shortage of adoptive babies.
originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: Bluesma
UhUh. Yet I'm still waiting for the first penny in support and that "child" Just turned 40 last week. His father did respond to one court subpoena where he admitted paternity and gave his child his last name. And that's the last thing he gave him. The last name of a man my son grew to hate. I kept trying to get the father involved but at the risk of appearing desperate I could only make suggestions. I couldn't force the issue. I used some organization that was supposed to get the father to pay but he still never paid a cent so yeah they can and do just walk away.
originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: Bluesma
So you didn't even get that money? I was getting $400.00 per month from social services until I got a job. The baby was one when I got off assistance. Apparently NY doesn't go after them. By the time the child was four I had gotten a really good job with great pay, great insurance, even a pension and I didn't need anything from the father. When my child was seven I married my husband and we made a family. 33 years later we are still together and have raised three wonderful sons.
originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: Bluesma
$40 a month to feed a child? Are they crazy? Did that even cover formula? Why didn't the money go to you? You didn't need it?