New study says loneliness is as much of a health hazard as obesity

a reply to: olaru12

Clearly, we should make loneliness illegal immediately.

a reply to: olaru12

This is a precursor to Pharma releasing MDMA for commercial exploitation? Or is the cure more religion?
Bottom line? Who is getting paid.

a reply to: olaru12

SnF

I do believe this and believed it to be true before reading the article....

I am very alone.... Sort of by choice but more by circumstances... Being an Empath I felt my wife's family need of her being back in the UK from the States where she decided to spend her life with me. We were a wonderful match.... The day after she gave a difficult birth.... 19 hours labour getting no bigger than 2cm it was no longer up to us an emergence "C" section. I had some of the best health care available. Mt. Zion Hospital SF Ca. our Doctor - Lady was told she was in the top 5 of her chosen profession and that we were very luck. She was clocking out heard my ex wifes accent and decided to look in and stayed another 9 hours and did the panty line cut which in the situation was exceedingly skilled.

Our first born cost $28,500 back in the day a simple birth was $10,000. So there were other complications... not on topic... I got home shattered as I was there from the start until she was in her private room and being asleep. I went home and received a call nobody should have to deal with. Having been married 15months was told my mother in law was dying of cancer and we should consider arranging a passport for our new addition... ASAP... I did so and when ex wife and Jennifer were well enough we were in the air flying back to the UK and once touched down had another 4 hour drive to Devon.... We were here 10 days before Christine died with us by her side. We arrived just in time.....

I decided to leave my ex wife here by her fathers side, being an empath that scores way too high I felt everyones pain and it was overwhelming. Who would give up their first born for 5 months for someone else? My ex father in law had his parents living with him and he has never boiled water for tea being a retired Squadron Leader and professional man. Christine was the woman of magnificents behind the man!!!!

I went home to sort out the hospital paperwork with my company who paid 100% but I had $5000 bill that 3 of my friends tried to loan me money so I would not be penalized for withdrawing what little cash that was saved locked into a high int deposit which early withdrawals would have been crippling. Those days there were no cheap fares and babies were charged, probably still true today the same as an over weight adult.... In 5 months that crept by slowly was a sad time yet I knew it was for the greater good which help pass the time as well as very very dear close friends. I have been in the UK as a transplant for 30 years (it takes 200 years before you are a local!!!) and these friends are still dearly missed. They made sure my weekends were filled and many weekday evenings busy....

After I had the $5000 paid off (in 5 months) I called my ex wife and said darling its time to come home. Her father came with her to help with the baby on the flight over and stayed 11 weeks. Of those 11 weeks they traveled to LA and to Washington State from the Bay Area in the VW Camper van.... two trips...... More lonely times as one wants to be with their family.... Not much one can do as my company gave me 30 days off to get married and another 30 days 16 months later due to illness in the family... In outside sales they do not like more than two weeks off for an empty territory due to competition!!!! Yes I am blessed and lucky on so many fronts but that did not help with the loneliness when the lights are out in an empty house.....

After 11 weeks I decided that my father in law would need help in a few years with his parents and could not perceive him being very happy to deal with cooking, shopping and cleaning let alone the care his parents would need. Empaths think too much at times and its not for their benefit.....

We moved here. I cannot begin to explain how alone one feels when one looses their wife to her family. That was done in those 5 months. In the third week I realized I no longer had my wife. It was not my unwillingness to share her rather her inability to have anything left over to cover her promises before marriage, let alone her wedding vows. I had a choice to be the husband sort of, and a father. My father was married to someone else when I was conceived. I could see no difference to my father's selfishness to mine had I decided to leave like most men would have. It was exceedingly important to me to be by my two girls lives as they grew up.

The Cancer that claimed my mother in law's life when she arrived to her sister's age when she succumbed to the dreaded C now hit my estranged wife at the same age. They performed 3 operations that removed all of her breast and 21 lymph nodes before they had it all. My ex was almost a 4 and they were unsure if they could help her. We were very lucky to have the head of the C unit to take her case personally! My ex had the worse (best for her cancer) Chemo available. Then the radiation..... had to be cut short cause they burnt her lungs, heart and esophagus. On top of this she had to take drugs that removed the female hormone from her body as that could feed the cancer. After two years of this my ex was another person besides the woman who changed so much after just being married. My fault???!!! Well my decisions..... I take full responsibility.

The point behind my story most of my last 32 years have been exceedingly lonely. I am separated from my culture my way of life and all the things that I had at my disposal for when the blues hit. Hwy 1 north or south for a day drive so many places one could turn around.... Mt Lassen, Yosimite, Muir Woods, Mt Tam, Beserkely Hills, Napa wine drinking, Redwoods, Sierras and hwy 49.... so many places. Never spent many weekends home when rains stopped. I did not think of these mechanisms as the overwhelming sense of need for my wife trying to comfort her family would not allow me to consider what I would be loosing out on..... Let us not forget eating out or that important Sunday Breakfast out!!!!! Two countries divided by a common language they said... NoN SenSe! Culturally different. EVERYTHING was taken away including sex.... or a decent disagreement LOL....

2 years ago Feb 6th my ex wife came back from her lawyer with papers submitted. Sat me down and explained that she will never fancy sex again with NOBODY. That I was still young enough to fine someone else! I gave her what she wanted as I do not know how much longer she will be with us. Her father has vascular dementia since ex wife's Cancer treatments now worse than can be imagined. This is after my ex wife's grandmother suffered for 5 years with senile dementia back in the days the NHS had no clue to it....

I am not complaining. I have lived an exceedingly charmed life. Those who have seen years ago posting I had a monster not a mother.... I had tons of abuse. Hence Loneliness has been hmmm far from a friend rather a constant companion.

A good Ranger will never give up we always have faith that it will get better. For those of you who suggest there are times when even that can be tested... It was I am a winner of a "V" device metal... Not bragging just trying to explain no matter how dark one hmmm insane as it sounds never give up hope. Again I have had a charmed life. I am now on Morphine as chronic pain from service connected disabilities have caught up with me. Everyday I go out for Coffee even when it rains.

a reply to: IceHappy

Continued

My first winter alone living in a 1 bedroom Flat was pretty bad as we had a winter from hell. Dawlish lost train tracks and the local seawall was closed for 9 months which everyday repairs were getting on. A year ago last Feb I decided a year had passed that I was now cleared enough to consider dating. I ladies here are hmmm a different sort to what I was used to. 29 years I have been living as a work aholic as it were. Big house big garden family there was always something that needed doing so the local town was somewhere to pick up what was needed to return home.....

I have met more people in these last two years than I have the previous 29! Not counting people I met selling intellectual properties to. Most of my business were which very large corporations. Loneliness was put to the side as we had a 3 beer lawn to cut when the sun was out... yep 3 hours.... to do a proper job!

When all of this is removed..... in a strange land.... Its hard to not think about what one used to do when feeling not so happy! People gone by, travels past of which has been so many one now sees how blessed one was....

I started to say before I ran out of space and had to start a second post....to continue..... a year ago last Feb it has been a year since living alone. I have decided that its long enough to get my head on straight after 30 year relationship to consider dating. I need a sort of woman I cannot seem to find here as those women are in other places in the UK and lol I have plenty of English friends mainly ladies living and confused by my moving here in California! Thinkers and ones that have had more than Junior high school education.... Here in this town my age ladies left school at 16.... My ex wife did and I cannot make that mistake again... One of the things a local teacher told me once that we westerners think to much... Gasp this is a man who taught both of my girls 6th grade..... My writing fails my intellect as I did not really go to school until 9th grade and was very lucky to have gone to an outstanding private HS that is still in high regards... Teachers that changed my life. Taught me to think but many possibilities to consider and hmmm moral code that help changed me for the better. So having someone to talk to is exceedingly important. I met up with my ex fiancé 8 years ago. She is bright smart and exceedingly successful. I was rather amazed at how living in a small community her entire life did not stretch her to her full potential. LOL people here, many do not leave the county.

I am not asking for anyone to think how unlucky I am.... To do over I would hmmm not change much.... My girls had a childhood which I did not have and one that any child would be lucky to have ergo what price would you put on to that blessing? To feel short changed would be taking that for granted.... but that is one of the things of many blessing one thinks of when feeling being alone hits. Fine edge that razors edge. ATS albeit I don't post much is a huge important part of my life. I do not and will not pay the BBC TV taxation ergo ready to be home invaded..... the last line shows how important ATS is... Had I not walked out with savings or 50% of house worth.... How could I do that my ex cannot work now and spent her working life looking after her family! I would have donated to ATS as I receive many distracting hours reading about current events.... From broken Penis's to the gradual legalization of Weed. Times like this I miss home as I would kill to give up morphine for a smoke okay a VAP..... I know that would help the feeling of isolation!...

Why not move home? I have paid twice my working life in USA here into the UK system... and my two daughters.... One lol is my ex wife and one is ME yea!

So the point of this post that is almost a book.... We don't always choose our prison that give us loneliness. I used to think how terrible it would have been at Alcatraz where you could hear the cheers of clinking wine glasses and smell the cooking on the wharf! hmmm try being a continent away! The Bay Area has changed so much LOL I would need a minder to go home now.... Things changed Ice we don't do this we don't do that you cannot say this...... Last time I was in my home town a sleepy town when I joined the army to escape the draft LOL get your head around that one.... we never locked the doors... 8 years ago I heard a murder a gun shot sound away..... The sirens are an hourly affair! Fire, ambulances, police or a combination there of.... Where I live now they closed the police dept a year ago.... LOL..

So life goes on, the blues comes and goes..... But everyday one goes out for that wonderful cup of joe rain or shine. Meeting acquaintances. Goal each day is to make ten people smile... This would be easy if I was Bill Hicks lol but we try and succeed cause failure is no excuse. Today I met Matt. He was reading an interesting book on his HTC Smartphone. I started a conversation that waged 1 hr 20 mins back and forth... He is one of us people! A thinker who is not afraid of a darkened "Breezer" Hole!!!! I told him about ATS and invited him to come and have a look..... Told him my real name is IceHappy! He told me about BBC.Adam.Curtis.Bitter.Lake.720p.h264.AAC.MVGroup.Forum. He said its on iPlayer but I rather find it another way... I have it now and will watch it in the morning... I stay busy but that feeling of being alone now is a constant companion... I am fully responsible for this.... Tomorrow is another day.... Tomorrow has possibilities..... Tomorrow may be the day the next window or door opens that will change my life!

Thank you for trying to explain or attempting to many who commented that loneliness is a choice or a chosen life. It just happens... Its what you do with those feelings that may limit the change for something more fulfilling!

Tomorrow is a new day with a cup of outstanding freshly ground cup of joe with possibilities!

a reply to: IceHappy

I hope you feel better now....

Catharsis can be a healing treatment. You have a lot more guts than I do to divulge such personal info on ATS.

originally posted by: olaru12

I think it's a matter of self determination. However I know plenty of people that claim to enjoy being alone but they are always at the Bar seeking companionship. Curious that....


on a footnote...
Some people deserve to be alone because they have a toxic personality and enjoy making others unhappy.

This reeks of some sort of extraverted bias. Seriously, there are people who are perfectly fine sticking to their own company for most of their lives. Plenty of hardcore introverts are content with a mere internet connection, and connection to nature.

It also seems that the losers you find in the bar are helping fuel your bias. You would likely not hear much in person of the individual who chooses to remain anonymous to the real world

a reply to: olaru12

Everyday is a new day...

My point was not completely clear....

If you don't try to get out and cheer yourself up then everything can turn inwards..... Its what you do with those feelings. Myself I can look back in my life and see all the reasons for me being in certain places to help a few people. This makes me smile. If one cannot make those connections or cannot think beyond the blackness then IMHO this is why we read about the elderly couple where one soul parts the other with no choice as the body gave up... Within hours the loved one frail and sad with grief she/he joins the soul mate on the journey that we all wonder what happens next....

My darkest hour is when I return to my flat and know that there won't be another go till tomorrow! This is spring today it rained again but there was more sun than a few weeks ago... Soon the sun will be here and I will be out the entire day bathing in the sun lite..... LOL those who know the UK ones gotta grab it whilst its here after all this is not the Bay Area where you can invite people over for a BBQ and never doubt that it won't happen!!!!

Re submitting person info... Guess what guys and gals... Anything you have used your computer, telephone, cell or any other communications device is being recorded.... Any meds you take they know.... I have nothing left for fear of Identity theft LOL why would someone waste their time... In some sense walking out of a marriage with nothing means there is nothing to loose!!!!!!!

Time for my cup of coffee out and try to place a few smiles on bored employee faces who are counting the time down to their momentary freedom till their next day working.....

Anyone with the Black dog, get out. If you are in your country there is so much to do within your own culture... If there was a charity here for animals or a shelter I would be there giving my time but alas it takes petrol to get to the closes so that door for me is closed....

a reply to: olaru12

I just lost my wife and children so I'm discovering again how not to be lonely. It sucks I have a routine I'm just that kind of guy I like what I like and I'll never change it. Well I started eating tacos at this Hispanic joint real authentic its in Dallas nothing but Latinos in there. They know me now cause I always order 4 fajita tacos with grilled opinions and the limes and red and green sauce. If you haven't had these kind of tacos you should because there great. Digressing a bit, I say all that to say this everywhere I go I feel lonely during this time except in this place where no one speaks a lick of English but they are all smiles and greet me daily that's half the reason I eat there daily. Anyway hopefully things take a turn soon u can't be lonely and unhappy forever right?

originally posted by: rickymouse
I'm never lonely, I have me, myself, and I to keep me company. There are also spiders, bugs, deer, and squirrels out there to talk to. You can also talk to trees and plants and they never contradict you. That is because they are smarter than people and know talking too much will get you in trouble.

This made me laugh! I find myself talking to animals all the time. The weird part is people who overhear me seem to think it's normal to do this. (Or they're smiling at me but thinking I'm bat#$% crazy)

a reply to: texasgirl

Not any crazier than me I talk to myself on the train or in the shower in fact I've always muttered usually because my minds going 100 MPH and I'm in deep thought most of the time. But I think I'm going to get a dog when I get back on my feet a bit. And your not lonely just happy so that makes it even sweeter.

a reply to: texasgirl

You can get away with talking to yourself nowadays as long as you wear something that looks like one of those wireless headsets.

If someone looks at you kind of strange, point at your ear or hold up your finger in front of your mouth so you can finish your conversation with yourself. You can walk away at that time if you want acting like the person is interupting you and causing that person to feel bad.