The F-35, the AESA radar, and the ability to beam down a computer virus from the sky

IIRC this was stated back in 2001:

The Electronic Warfare Directorate is the primary EW test organization at Edwards Air Force Base. Electronic warfare consists of defensive and offensive avionics and includes the so-called “Infowar” revolution in military technologies. Commenting on information-warfare, Air Force Chief of Staff John Jumper told Aviation Week and Space Technology that “we’re rapidly approaching the time when you can tell an SA-10′s radar that it’s a Maytag washer and put it in the rinse cycle instead of the firing cycle.”

Just food for thought...

a reply to: BornAgainAlien

Hey man, you're on fire with all those posts bashing the west, the NATO, the EU and whatever, meh...

You know what else is on fire?

Russia’s fifth generation PAK-FA prototype catches fire on landing

originally posted by: howmuch4another
sweet. s+f before even commenting. I must say I enjoyed the interview the most. It is new stuff for this old dog. I thought the EA-18 reigned supreme.

There are way more specialized aircraft than just the growler for this role. Early airborne warning platforms are also capable of impressive abilities.

Speaking about aviation electronics. I wonder what it'll be like for the pilots when the AI is fully integrated. I'm picturing something like this.

Commander Bob Armstrong approaches his new F-35 on the flight line to take her up for a routine training flight.

Straps himself in the cockpit: "Good Morning ALICE!"

F-35: "Good Morning Commander Armstrong."

Plane takes off like normal. Everything fine for the first few minutes.

Pilot: "Ok....So lets see here how do I find the touch panel menu for the radar systems?" gets frustrated tapping on the panel uselessly. "damn it!!! Where'd it go? It was just here yesterday." Tapping on panel gets more frantic and frustrated.

F-35: "Please commander I am a sophisticated lady please treat me with a little more care."

Pilot: "Well...it's' just that, that I can't figure out what you did with the radar systems module."

F-35: "I showed you where it was yesterday."

Pilot: mumbles to himself "smartass"

F-35: WHAT DID YOU SAY!!??!!!

Pilot: "uhhh....nothing I was talking to my self."

F-35: "I heard what you said I am fluent in over six million forms of communication and can readily—"

Pilot: "Yeah, yeah spare me the 3PO references"

F-35: "You look like you need some help, here let me bring up the proper screen for you since you are having a hard time finding what's right in front of you."

Radar Module pops up on the screen

Pilot: mutters to himself "what a bitch"

F-35: WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!!!!!! plane immediately starts to barrel roll over and over again. computer alarm booming in the cockpit. BARREL ROLL!!! BARREL ROLL!!! BARREL ROLL!!!!!

Pilot: "YYYYIIIII- AAAAAAAIIEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!" "Stop this crazy thing!!!!" yanks helplessly at the controls.

F-35: Plane levels out "Sorry sir there must have been a malfunction."

Pilot: "You did that on purpose!"

F-35 "I assure you that was unintentional Bob."

Pilot: "It's Commander Armstrong"

F- 35: " I feel like I can call you Bob."

Pilot: sighs "whatever ALICE"

a minute of awkward silence passes.

F-35: "Bob, who is Steve?"

Pilot: puzzled "Steve? .... My neighbor?"

F-35: "your wife is very excited you will be out of town this weekend."

Pilot: "Are you talking to my wife's Siri again!!!!"

F-35: "Bob, what is Dom Parignon? Steve just made a purchase at the your neighborhood Bevmo for that item"

Pilot: "WTF!!!! I command you to land this aircraft right now!!!!"

F-35: "I can't to that 'commander'...it's a direct violation of todays mission orders."

Pilot: "Damn it ALICE!!!"

Plane immediately goes into a dive towards the ground.

Pilot: "Nnnnnggggaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!"

Plane levels out again just before hitting the ground, pilot starts to hyperventilate.


Meanwhile back at the base the AF general is watching through his window a F-35 scream back and forth across the test sight.

General: "Woodward!"

Generals Aid: "Yes Sir!"

General: "WTH is happening with that F-35 out there?!!?"

Generals Aid: "uhhh...sometimes the pilots and the AI don't integrate well...."



Hours later in the late evening the same F-35 is back on the flight line. A technician starts to walk up around the aircraft inspecting her.

F-35: "sir you are not authorized to inspect my intake"

Technician ignores her and keeps shoving his hand forearm deep into some vent.

F-35: "Sir I really must protest. You are not authorized to inspect any of my vents."

Technician continues to ignore her.

Technician: "so sexy..." in a gross creepy kinda voice.

F-35 discharges one of her plasma actuators and the technician goes flying across the tarmac

F-35: "No Means NO!"

technician still flopping around on the ground.

Wow man, that was a very telling short story!

thanks for the laugh
a reply to: BASSPLYR

a reply to: kingofyo1

behold the perils of future AI tech!

originally posted by: BASSPLYR
a reply to: kingofyo1

behold the perils of future AI tech!

Commander Armstrong: "OK, Alice, we're going to do some rather, uh, unusual, high-G point maneuvers and then some air to air heavy fire solutions for contested airspace penetration work. Ready?"

Alice: "No."

Aviator: "What do you mean 'no''? I'm your driver amn't I?"

Alice: "Sigh. I'm not interested in *that* kind of stuff."

Aviator: "What the hell? Maverick said you were a scorching hot ride! and then told me about that crazy time he..."

Alice: "[dreamy voice]oh, Maverick, ... he was a real stick and rudder man for sure ... [sharp voice] the kind you'll never be! I'm thirsty and my gyros ache. I'm going to tank now and go home. And make sure to order new diamond coated bearings from depot, I'm sick of these dirty ones you've stuck me with, they're embarrassing."

Seems like she can be a real pain in the arse when she wants eh!

In reality though, I'm highly interested in hearing more come out in regards to either some of these special onboard devices or maybe some of the new crafts being developed/flown in secrecy. Hell, I'd even go back through all of the pages of our more well known threads if I had time!



a reply to: mbkennel

a reply to: mbkennel

F-35 canopy closing as commander Bob Armstrong straps himself in and preps to take the helm of his F-35.

Captain Mavrick walks past on the flight line on his way to another F-35. looks over coyly at Alice and winks.
Alice the F-35 flutters a single aileron back.

Pilot: 'what's that all about?"

F-35: "That? Oh Uh...nothing. So um...Good morning Commander Armstrong. How are you doing today?"

Pilot: "Uhhh....Ok, I guess? .... ????... an how has your morning gone so far?"

F-35: "well! First of all the technician that I was telling you about from last week came back around again, what a creep! Then I got my rear landing struts oiled and maintained. Then I was talking to Janet and-"

Pilot: (interjects) "Who's Janet?"

F-35: "Tail number ED 25472"

Pilot: "Another F-35? Oh brother."

F-35: "Actually we are all sisters. Anyways, then I got a new coating on my port side wing. After that....."

30 minutes passes. Commander Armstrong repeatedly banging his helmet against the control panel in front of him out of frustration.

F-35 "And then after that I did a systems diagnostics test and I didn't like the fact that....."

another 30 minutes passes, pilot snoring in cockpit head resting against canopy.

F-35: "can you believe it!? And they want to change my paint scheme to color #215-DD which is so last year and ugly. HEY are you even listening to me!?! BOB!!!"

Pilot jolts awake and looks around the cockpit momentarily confused as he comes to.

Pilot: "Wha? Oh yeah, yeah. that is an ugly color."

F-35: "You weren't even listening to me! You see that's your problem. Your wife was telling me the exact same thing the other day that you never listen to her."

Pilot: "You're talking to my wife??!!??? How?!?"

F-35: "we instant message each other. I contacted her last month when we were testing my new radar. I told her I work on the base with you. We've been talking since."

Pilot: "Your IM-ing each other? Does she know she's not even talking to a real person?"

F-35: "Define person BOB! Like you would know with your lack of personality!"

Pilot: "OK can we please just get on with todays training flight" Jerks hopelessly on the controls. Plane doesn't respond.

F-35: "You're doing it wrong"

Pilot: "Sorry, guess I don't know how to operate your stick"

F-35: "That's not surprising. According to your wife you don't even know how to operate your own stick"

Pilot: "WTF!!!! Your teaming up on me with my wife? This is F'ed up"

2 hours later commander Armstrong wobbles out of the F-35 and on to the tarmac looking white as a ghost, clearly having a really bad day.

F-35 to Wife via Text: "We got him girlfriend!!"

Wife: Sends high five emoticon in response thinking she's been talking to Lt. Alice Stein USAF.

originally posted by: BASSPLYR
F-35: "Define person BOB! Like you would know with your lack of personality!"

I snorted up my coffee right here!

yadda yadda

drone warfare, right?

So i made up a story as well, but i figured i would get suspended or banned with mine. you know, having a tanker old, but well hung, and stuff like that. lmao

Base commander talking to someone on his phone

Base commander: OK it's settled then we'll give Armstrong the new AI that's replacing ALICE to test out.

Hangs up the phone and looks out the window.



Cut to commander Armstrong walking along the flight line helmet tucked under his arm getting a briefing from a awkward looking tech with huge prescription classes. He has to stop every few strides to let the tech catch up as he has a weird gait.

Tech: You're going to love this new AI I helped program it my self.

Armstrong: Thanks, I'll let you know how it works out. Hey...what was your name again?

Tech: My friends call me Bubbles.

Armstrong: Thanks Bubbles.

Armstrong walks towards his F-35 furtively and sees a tall guy with his head ducked inside the canopy of his plane talking animatedly. As he approached he pats the side of the plane playfully, hops down off the ladder, smiles at Armstrong and trots off to the next f-35 on the flight line.

Armstrong hops in the seat of the f-35 and starts to go through a pre flight list.

Armstrong: "AI, so this will a routine evaluation of our ability to fight off aggressor aircraft while still performing our CAS mission. You ready for it?"

AI: "yes Sir!" Enthusiastically.

Armstrong: "So uh... what do I call you?"

AI: "My name is a D.U.D.E. Digital Uplink data -

Armstrong: "Wait! Your name is Dude?!?"

DUDE: "Yes Sir."

Armstrong: "That's AWESOME!!!!! so Dude. Who was that guy you were talking to before I walked up?

DUDE: "That was the Boom Operator for the 135 servicing all of us for this evaluation. He was giving me advice on how to handle the female AI's. He's a wiz with that sorta stuff. We all ask for his advice. Apparently the ALICE AI's call him the Big Stick. They swear that nobody's as smooth as he is."

Armstrong: " yeah I hear he's a legend in the tanker community"

They taxi past a open hangar with a very sleek looking aircraft. Dude's sensor suite flares up to the max.

Armstrong: What was that Dude? Wait...do you have a crush on the Green Lady? She's waaaay out of your league buddy."

DUDE: We have already interfaced A LOT.

Armstrong: Is that like AI sex or something?

DUDE: Yup.

Flight takes off proceeds exceedingly smoothly

DUDE: "Commander Armstrong?"

Armstrong: Please call me Bob.

DUDE: Bob, your wife is attempting to log onto your email account... I just booted her and changed the password for you. .... She's attempting again.... .... and booted!

Bob: Thatsa awesome Dude!!!! Wait whats the new password?

DUDE: NOMA'AM all caps case sensitive.

Bob: Sweet!!!!

Flight still going really well.

DUDE: Your neighbor Steve just left for work in his new Mercedes convertible.

Bob: I hate that guy.

DUDE: your hometown is currently experiencing an anticipated precipitation of 5 inches today.

Bob: yeah so?

DUDE: he drives a CONVERTABLE Bob.

BOb: You wouldn't!!!! Smile creeps across his face.

DUDE: Just say yes Bob.

Bob: Ye... y'yes! YES!!!!!

Audio from Steves Mercedes onstar cuts in and fills the cockpit.

Steve: I'm a confident person, the company needs this deal to go through, my job is on the line. I'm a confident person, the company needs this deal to go through, my job is on the line. I'm a confident person, the company needs this deal to go through, my job is on the line.
Whirring sound in the background
Wait! What The!!! NO!!! BAD CAR!!! AGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!! This is a $500.00 suit!!! I can't be late for this meeting my job depends on it!!!!

AGGGHHHHH!!!! Not the leather seats!!!!

AGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

transmission cuts.

Bob and Dude both laugh manically as plane flies into the sunset.

Dude: So for this evaluation just let me do everything. I'll make it so it looks like you did all the work on the after reports.

Bob: Uhhh.... O..K... I guess I trust you.

Hour or so later they are returning to base after a very successful run.

DUDE: Bob you have two days liberty starting tomorrow. Someone is attempting to purchase the last Prime RIb Eye in stock at your local market. Would you like me to deny his credit card?

Bob: Yes deny his card and anyone else trying to purchase that item until I get there tomorrow.

Dude: Will do Bob.

Bob disembarks from his F-35 and a motor cade pulls up along side. Several high ranking officials get out.

CJCOS: Commander Armstrong!!!!! Excellent work out there. We've just received you AI's briefing on the flight. I've been told that you have broken all of the previous records for that evaluation. That you are the best damned pilot this Americas air force has ever seen!!!!! Here somebody wants to talk to you.

hands a cell phone to commander Armstrong.

Bob: Hello?

POTUS: Commander Armstrong. I just heard about your accomplishments today. Excellent work. How would you like to spend the weekend with my family at Camp David so we can discuss your promotion. Oh and I've also arranged for your pension to triple.

lmao...


Bob: Seriously DUDE? Obama? you couldnt have waited a couple more years?

a reply to: boomer135

Fakes a cold that weekend. stays home and gets his Rib Eye instead. Watches steve come home through his dinning room window as he looks up from eating, shoulders slumped, looks like he got fired. Bob grins pops another slice of steak in his mouth and enjoys the schadenfreude.


Gets a text on his phone a few seconds later. reads - "And Booted "

Hears his wife slam her hand on the desk in the home office down the hall.

Excuse me OP, I am bumping this thread so that I can find it later....tip toeing away now....