"Take Nothing Personally"

I want to share some words of wisdom that may be of benefit to all of us who engage in political discourse. Over the holidays, I was part of a very sad political discussion which reminded me of “The Four Agreements,” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

Source

I’m specifically thinking of #1 and #2: Be impeccable with your word and don’t take anything personally.

In the discussion I referred to, we were discussing the NYPD work slow-down. A much younger in-law basically stated that the people need to understand that the police call the shots and we just have to comply... unless, of course, we have something to hide. I responded that no, according to the Social Contract, that a just government governs with the consent of the governed, therefore the police must take their marching order from us, and have no legitimate power except that granted by the people. He obviously had no idea what the Social Contract is, because he immediately accused me of being a socialist and mocked me for not knowing that we live in a democracy... yes, democracy. So instead of discussing the merits of the Social Contract, it degenerated into sheer stupidity. Both myself and another person tried to explain what the Social Contract is, but he was so busy crowing like a cock on the walk that he wouldn't even listen. I shook my head and walked away... he began mocking me as a Socialist to everyone there. Even after someone convinced him to google “Social Contract” and he found out exactly what it is, he then declared that I didn’t know that either and that I used that term just by coincidence. By this time, I was actually embarrassed for him, and just said, “Okay. You know best.” At some point, others began mocking and teasing him, not just about the Social Contract, but also about our “democracy.” I didn’t. I just ignored him the rest of the night. But who did he blame? Me. For “setting him up to look like a fool.”

I could have let my pride and ego be hurt and responded by being just as rude and insulting and obnoxious as him, and I would have had truth and facts on my side... but to what end? Then I would have just been lowering myself to his level, and no good can come from that. Nor did I have to. His words said absolutely nothing about me, but they said everything about himself. Both his ignorance and his arrogance were on full display for everyone to see for themselves. I didn’t have to say or do a thing.

So as we go about our discussions and debates on the web and with family and friends, I thought it might help us to remember #1 and #2 -- for our own sakes! Be impeccable with your word, as only you can speak for yourself, and you can only speak for yourself... and take nothing personally, understanding that others only speak for themselves and can only speak for themselves. Sometimes easier said than done, I know! But it just may be worth it.

So, you both will be delighted to find out...

We live in a Republic.

MENSA meeting it was not...

a reply to: whyamIhere

Yes, indeed. A Constitutional Republic no less.

But I did already know that. I guess I didn't make that clear, eh? So thank you for doing so.

a reply to: Boadicea

A good reminder ... Not to react / have one's buttons pressed
Better to offer one's truth then stand back as you

a reply to: Boadicea

"Take Nothing Personally"

That kinda takes all the fun out of it. I personally like the competition, exchange of ideas and ideologies, the snarky remarks, outright insults, sarcastic remarks etc; Cyber entertainment at the highest level.

Without emotional impact, our primitive minds can't learn properly. BF Skinners stimulus response comes to mind, pleasure pain avoidance response. woof, woof....

originally posted by: artistpoet
a reply to: Boadicea


Better to offer one's truth then stand back as you

Excellent! I really like how you phrased that. In the end, that's all I can be is me -- no more or less. So I'd best just own it -- for better and worse.

originally posted by: olaru12
a reply to: Boadicea

"Take Nothing Personally"

That kinda takes all the fun out of it.

Not at all! It just puts it in perspective. Snark and sarcasm is often a very effective way to make a point, with full emotional impact. (And sometimes it's pretty funny too.) I like to speak plainly, and sometimes with snark and sarcasm, for that very reason. Beating around the bush and sugar coating everything doesn't really get the job done. So you say what you will and I'll say what I will and we can take it for what it's worth!

I try to follow a philosophy like that in my life already. Most time it works well. Sometimes you get a little pissed off though and things do not always go as you want. If all I had to do is deal with plants, I could do a lot better with it.

originally posted by: olaru12
a reply to: Boadicea

"Take Nothing Personally"

That kinda takes all the fun out of it. I personally like the competition, exchange of ideas and ideologies, the snarky remarks, outright insults, sarcastic remarks etc; Cyber entertainment at the highest level.

Without emotional impact, our primitive minds can't learn properly. BF Skinners stimulus response comes to mind,
pleasure pain avoidance response. woof, woof....

It's the exact opposite.

Emotional reactions are triggered by the amygdala, fight or flight response.

React literally means to "re act," or act again. Rather than learn, when people react they do nothing more than repeat their own beliefs and try to feel "right" and prove the other person is "wrong."

a reply to: Boadicea

I must be getting old. I am getting tired of being nice and gently persuading my kids to choose the right direction. They take my niceness as approval of what they are doing. They say they need to make their own mistakes, trouble is they need to learn to listen to people who know, those who have made the mistakes before, and ask them what went wrong.

Now I try to nicely tell them over and over to watch which path they are on. Then they come bitching to me of their problems when I was warning them all along. My friends listen to me, I was a boss most of my life because of my organizational abilities. But my kids don't listen.

I know this is a little off topic but I just had to vent a little.

originally posted by: rickymouse
I try to follow a philosophy like that in my life already. Most time it works well. Sometimes you get a little pissed off though and things do not always go as you want. If all I had to do is deal with plants, I could do a lot better with it.

Yes, you do -- and I've noticed and appreciated it many times... don't worry about a little anger -- sometimes it is the only appropriate response unfortunately. It's how we vent the anger that matters, and if you're not putting anyone in the hospital (or worse), you're not doing half bad!

I'm with you on the plants too. My garden is my sanctuary. I don't know what I'd do without it sometimes.

originally posted by: rickymouse
a reply to: Boadicea

I know this is a little off topic but I just had to vent a little.

Let me guess... teenagers? Young adults? Say no more. I found it very effective to say "I told you so" loudly and often... sometimes with just a little mocking thrown in, but it took a few times to work. Then one time I told my son, "Yes, please do that... exactly that... we haven't had a reason to laugh at you for a while." He decided not to do it. Funny that! I really didn't want to laugh at him; I was worried about his safety. But funny thing... his ego was more important to him. Soooo very frustrating at times!