Without You (poem)

Stray dust being pushed in the wind
A windowsill wiped clean
My conscious strains from within.
Here I go again.

I see it every time I look at ‘cha
A shadow leaving the kitchen
I see it when I stare at your picture
Eyes closed stuck in this vision.
Our bodies intertwine, I can feel you.

And if I can think of this,
With a photo in my hand.
What will I receive
When I’m standing on your land?
The truth is will I even understand?

This life is harder than I’ll ever know.
I hurt myself by just existing.
How can I think I’ll ever be winning?
When it’s impossible for me to grow.

A tear will help so much,
But my eyes are dry. My skin is arid.
A desert littered with scars.
Self-inflicted.
Where did you go?

Oh I know. It was always my fault
I’ll take everything on my shoulder.
Trust me I’ll handle it. A bolder,
Mind state is what’s needed.
If my heart was colder,
Our memories would be deleted.

Instead I’m sitting, wondering,
What could have been?
Gauge these weak thoughts from within.
My speech wrought with sin.
I did you so wrong, you’re gone.
It was my fault all along.

How to accept this loss?
A light so dim.
I wonder if what I did was wrong,
The list seems infinite.
You walked miles in the rain,
I, now, am forced to do the same.

The sun moves behind the clouds
Storms stretching to each horizon.
This desert drains all my life,
Leaving parched lips with no water for my thirst.
Soon we’ll be back together,
A lonely life, I must endure first.