Procedural Paradox: A Waking Psychodrama

I try to occupy all states simultaneously. I resist being defined by self or others or being sensible enough to be definable. This is my own highest crime. What am I running from? Obviously I am running from an awareness of my own inherent nature. What am I afraid to find? I don't think pride was man's primary sin, but insecurity. It is our inability to stare into the depths of our own soul that prevents us from ascending out of this place.

Can I lower the walls to trust the rectification induced by others or have I become so paranoid as to be unreachable? Is this not the purpose of every pyramid ultimately, to get you to let down your defenses and to accept some outside authority as greater than self? I can live out the rest of my life in normalcy and peace or I can descend into a frenzy of abstraction. Neither of those roads is acceptable to me.

Is there a higher reality out there? Are there loving parents waiting desperately for me to wake up and escape this coma? The mind and the heart stand in polar opposition of one another. Being both of these things simultaneously feels like a waking contradiction, as if the forces of their polar unity will lead to a blinding flash of annihilation the likes of which no one has observed before.

The heat of this place is unbearable. Cozy up and become a man again. That is enough television for one day. You've watched five years of programming in two days. That should never happen. ;p