About A Girl

There is a colleague of mine that I like and I am contemplating asking her out on a date. She is a really nice person whom I feel attracted to and whom I get along with well. I don't get to work directly with her often, but when I do, I always get positive vibes from her and feel better having spoken with her. We have chatted a few times in the lunchroom, but have not yet met socially outside of work. I would like that to change.

I am about 50/50 on whether I will get a "yes" response. I am not sure about what type of person she would like to be involved with romantically or what she finds attractive. I do not know a great deal about her non-work activities, only that she is studying at university.

The only major problem I see is that there is quite an age gap between us - I am 28 and she is only turning 21 at the end of the year. I will also mention that I will be changing jobs soon and probably have not much to lose by just asking her out on one of my final days. Before I do, I just wanted to know other people's opinions on the age gap.

Are my worries valid, or am I concerned over nothing?

Age matters to some people and not to others. When I was 21, I dated a man who was 38. I was a good relationship, and honestly our age difference seemed to bother him more than me (like when I wouldn't get certain pop culture references from his youth and it reminded him of the age gap). He was self-conscious about it. People probably would have thought I was a gold digger if it weren't for the fact that he was dirt poor (an artist). Other people, especially other guys my age, couldn't understand why I'd want to date someone so much older... but we connected, I found him interesting and attractive, and we enjoyed our time together. It never went beyond dating, so it was never terribly serious... but I look back on the relationship fondly. The age difference didn't matter to me, and honestly might have been a part of the attraction.

Good luck - I hope she says "yes" and you two enjoy your time together!

a reply to: Dark Ghost My partner is 8 yrs younger than me i met her when i was 32 she was 24 im now 50 were still together and have 3 great kids sometimes at my age now i often think she might want someone younger thats the only fault i have with being with a younger woman there is only eight years some relationships have a much larger gap eight years isnt that bad hope it works out for you good luck

I don't think 7 years is a big gap between 2 adults. The older you get, the less a difference in age like that matters. Go for it!

a reply to: Dark Ghost

Elapsed time is just a number. You have to set out to get to know a person to understand their maturity.
You don't know what you don't know, & YOLO.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

My fiance is five years younger than me (25 her, 30 me) and it has never been a problem. I understand you feel attracted and the good vibes, but why not just ask her out to chat? Take the pressure out of the word "date" and just enjoy knowing her more outside work?

Cheers!

Women mature earlier than men, usually. I dated older men from the time I started dating till I was in my late 20s.

My parents are celebrating their 41 anniversary this fall. Dad is exactly 8 years older than my mom. It's never been an issue between them or our family and friends.

When I was dating I always found older men more appealing than men closer to my age. I believe it was a maturity issue. The younger guys I knew were more involved with partying and the like, when I was ready for a more serious relationship.

The bottom line is, you never know what will happen until you do something. Ask her out, even if you view the odds as against you. What is the worst that can happen....she says no? Then your circumstances haven't changed much, have they? But what if she says yes?

Good luck!!!

originally posted by: eeyipes
The older you get, the less a difference in age like that matters. Go for it!

This really. Once you get to around 25 the age gap closes a great deal for both sexes as they have already or are starting to focus on more than partying and having a good time. And really five years or less there is no real gap.

Age is just a number .. go ahead and ask her out .. worst can happen she says no best can happen she says yes ..

You never know until you ask .. good luck

If she says yes dont forget to get flowers to give her .. and take her someplace nice ..

The unwritten rule is half your age plus 7. 28/2=14+7=21 go for it.

Thanks for the encouraging replies, everyone.

On my second last shift tomorrow so am building up the courage to ask her out for the final one. Will keep you posted whether I chicken out or not.

a reply to: Dark Ghost
Hope things work out well for both of you ..

a reply to: Expat888

Thanks

She accepted my friend request on Facebook, so I guess that is a step in the right direction.

Still nervous about how I'm going to approach the whole situation, but since it will be my last shift I don't have much to lose...except allowing my Self-Esteem to take a beating.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

If she accepted your friend request on Facebook then she likes you as a person. You have a good chance of her saying yes I would imagine. At least the odds are in your favor!

What everyone else said about age is true also, my husband is 7 years (and four months) older than me!

originally posted by: Dark Ghost
Thanks for the encouraging replies, everyone.

On my second last shift tomorrow so am building up the courage to ask her out for the final one. Will keep you posted whether I chicken out or not.

It's up to you of course, but my advice is NOT to ask her out.

2 reasons:

1. If she says no, you'll be crushed.

2. She might say yes for that very reason (ie to avoid upsetting you).

I've experienced both scenarios; too many times I've thought I was on a winner when it was just her way of letting me down gently.

Instead, do what women do when they like a man and want to ask him out on a date...ask her if she's going to the 'works do' (Christmas night out, birthday party, whatever it happens to be).

If she says no, it's no big deal because you were going to go anyway, right?

Perfect way of saving face...clever girls.

I smile when a female colleague asks me if I'm going to a work-related social function, because it's a code for asking me out on a date; it's happened to me a lot.

a reply to: Dark Ghost

You are in good shape you may have waited too long and got yourself "friendzoned". But really don't put pressure on yourself, if she says yes if she says no do keep in mind most of the time for the woman turning you down it really isn't anything personal.