a reply to:
khnum
Ok, it's been seven years, how did it go? Were you able to stop?
My cigarette-story is a bit different. Many times I tried to quit, some times I sort of 'succeeded', but after months, after even a year, if something
'dramatic' happened, or I drank alcohol or something, I started slipping back. I couldn't have coffee without getting 'the urge' - I had connected
cigarettes to so many things that if I started doing any of those, I always slipped back to cigs as well.
Then I quit. No, not cigarettes. I quit 'quitting smoking'.
I didn't care anymore, I didn't try to quit anymore. Never have I quit since.
However, one morning, just before smoking my first cigarette of the day, I wanted to savor the smell of the morning air and nature (I think it was
later spring or early summer), and just postpone that cigarette a bit, as I knew it would bring my physical feeling 'down', hurt my lungs, and make it
impossible to smell anything.
I wanted to enjoy the 'light' feeling before the cig makes me feel 'heavy' again. So I had fun enjoying the nature, smelling, breathing freely and
feeling less heavy than after the first cigarette. I wanted to enjoy and savor that feeling a bit more, so I ignored the urge to smoke and sort of
replaced it with the need to postpone the 'heavy feeling' just a little bit more.
One minute lead to another, and soon I had postponed the whole morning, and I still wasn't -quite- ready to smoke that cigarette. I didn't want that
'heavy feeling' JUST yet, no matter what my body was urging me to do. My lungs usually hurt a bit, too, after the first cigarette, so I wanted to
postpone that as well.
Somehow I ended up 'enjoying the lighter (no pun intended) feeling' the whole day, and was able to go to sleep without smoking (yet).
Next morning, I thought, I will smoke again - just enjoying this moment first.
And that's how it went.. the next day was pretty much the same story - I had 100% intention of smoking, I was just postponing it JUST a little bit
more, then I will smoke. Just a few more 'better breaths', before succumbing to the urge.
I never quit, I am still technically 'a smoker', I am still 'smoking', but I have just postponed the first cigarette of the morning for around nine
years now. I might smoke today, I might smoke in 5 minutes or sooner, who knows. I am just not smoking right now, because I want this breath to feel
better before succumbing to the cigarette.
Some people say that it's easier to stay away from alcohol if they keep alcohol in the house, so it's right there, ready to be picked up immediately.
It's like a psychological safety mechanism - you don't have to panic and rush to get it, since it's already right there, you can do it any time you
want, and this gives you the freedom of choice to also postpone it a bit.
I don't know if this works for anyone else, and I didn't do it consciously, this was not a 'trick', I didn't try to do anything. It just organically
happened this way because of 'heavy feeling', 'lung pain' and 'wanting to enjoy some better-tasting breaths first'.
To me, switching from cigarettes to vaping, nicotine cum or nicotine patches is kind of weird and weak. It's like switching from coffee to tea. You're
still doing the same thing.
It's like Charlie Harper in 'Two and a Half Men' quitting drinking - he still keeps drinking beer and wine, thinking that's what 'quitting drinking
alcohol' means.. "But he said he quit. - He actually thinks he did."
You CAN fight it and quit by gnashing your teeth and going through 'withdrawals' like an enraged mental patient, but in the end, this kind of
struggle/fight only enforces the desire we seemingly conquered, and at a weak moment, it can come back like uncontrollable lust.
I remember many a night (long time ago, when I was still trying to 'quit') running vast distances just to get some gas station that's open all night,
just so I could inhale my lungs full of poisonous chemical fumes and feel some kind of artificial, temporary fulfillment and satisfaction. It can be a
devastating urge.
It's not so bad when you don't quit, and you plan to smoke and keep smoking for the rest of your life - you can always postpone 5 seconds, and THEN
smoke. But after 5 seconds, you might change your mind and postpone it just a bit further to enjoy the lighter feel, etc..