The loss of a parent - 10 years on

a reply to: Shana91aus

i get what your saying about how the world just carries on like normal its such a surreal feeling when that dawns on you it just doesn't seem right, you just lost this person who is so special too you and everyone else is just so normal and unaffected and living their life like they usually would thats a feeling i wont forget.

I can relate to this feeling as well. My Dad passed away 7 years ago and I remember looking at the world around me, un-changed, just going on like nothing happened, yet something profound had happened to me and my family with our loss. I kind of felt like the world should be mourning too. My Father was lucky though as he lived to a ripe old age and lived a happy and fulfilling life. I believe that when he passed on, he was no longer in pain and that he had gone on to something different, something better.

Still, I suppose memories will haunt us and we will be sad and miss our loved ones always. My Mother is 90 and now I live in fear of her going any time. you just never know at that age. It is bad enough to lose Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and friends, but parents are even worse. They are your rock in life so to speak, no matter how old we get, we always need and love them.

My heart goes to anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. You are never alone.

a reply to: Orphanim Thank you for your kind words and understanding. Unfortunately, my children are included in that more recently in fact. It has only been the last few weeks that I have been functional enough to talk about it, despite trying to avoid it in this thread. I can be ok one minute and not able to breath the next.

Anyways Just prior to that my husband and ) were looking into IVF as we are unable to conceive on our own. (my children were from my first marriage. I escape that marriage but the judge completely overlooked the fact that the man had multiple DUI convictions and had lost his right to drive and forced me into letting him take them, after a suicide attempt and serious therapy I am starting to function again and no clue why I am even typing this.) Anyways we have kind of let the ball drop on pursuing IVF for now, but i am pretty much at that age where I might only have a year or two left at best. Emotionally, though I am not in any shape to go through the IVF process so soon after losing my precious babies.

a reply to: calstorm

I wish you every strength in the world - you've had an extremely tough life it seems, and for that I am so sorry.

I know it's not everyone's favourite topic, but I'll keep you in my prayers. You deserve happiness. I hope you get it.

a reply to: Shana91aus

Thanks for your reply! I've often considered going to a medium. I don't feel I need it for closure. Many things have happened since he did that i KNOW he's still here.

The night he died (we were at the hospital) my neighbours were in our driveway (normal, not trespassing.. haha) and our garage door started to bang... and bang loud. I sometimes wonder if he was just angry to see the mess his passing had left. The house wouldn't settle or days. Alarms wouldn't set and would just go off. Things died down but we get the odd reminder. A feeling of someone walking past in the living room (he used to drink his morning tea and walk down the living room - it's his path you can feel someone walking down. It's like someone's walking behind you and you flinch a little) Birthday cards turning around in plain sight. My mother was upset one night sat on her bed... I came to see her and the spot next to her was VERY warm like someone was sat with her. It's a comfort - I know he's there.

A medium does still interest me though. My cousin went to see someone after my father died and they described an "uncle figure in his mid 50s" with a "smartly dressed woman with dark hair stood next to him holding his shoulder" - Seemingly my grandmother (accurate i'm told. She died before i hit a year old)

a reply to: snarky412

Thanks for your post. It really is the best way to go. It's a shame we don't get to chose. I'm glad my father had no idea he had heart disease and enjoyed his life without any fear of imminent death. I saw my Grandfather suffer with cancer but i was 16 and wasn't told until very late on that it was terminal. I'm glad for that, my family were trying to spare me and my brother the realisation we'd lose the next closes father figure we had - And he was a great one. He went the way he wanted to - In his chair with my grandma next to him. Before he died he was staring at the ceiling/wall intently. I have no idea what he saw... but he went HIS way - very typical of him! haha.

I'm sorry to hear of your friend. To suffer so young must be terrible to live through. It truly is a cruel world. And although people have said to me "if you know you're going to die you can say goodbye" I didn't need my father to say goodbye and that he loved me - I know he did, and he left with no paid and suffering. I'd take that a billion times over.

You take care too friend