This Is What Bullying An Adult For Being Gay Sounds Like. You May Not Even Realize You've Done It

a reply to: knoledgeispower

No, it's not about assuming they are. It's just the undercurrent that they could be. I have mostly male friends. I know they aren't viewing me as a potential sex partner, but there are still things I will do around my girl friends that I never would around the guys simply for the sex aspect.

I would change clothes around a close girl friend. We're all girls here, right? There's no way I'd do that around my male friends. Potential sex partners or not, it's the whole girl/guy thing at work.

Now, let's go back to the aspect of we're all girls here. Let's assume you suddenly find out one of those girls should always have been more in the "guy" category all along. It's a little weird.

a reply to: Orphanim

Yep, it's awkward when you put your foot in it. I can't say that I've knowingly done that with any of our office's LGBT; it's pretty well-known who they are. But I did put my foot in it with the Israeli on the track team once, after a hard work out, last one before the holiday break, I wasn't thinking and wished him a Merry Christmas ... Oh, uh, yeah, I meant Happy Hanukkah?

originally posted by: ArtemisE

Arnt almost all chics bi-sexual???? I mean just about all of you claim to be. I can't believe you had one girl kinda shy away and you consider that a negative reaction....

Wow I can't believe you just said that. NO not all females are bi sexual, typical male response. Aren't all guys douche bags, I mean just about all of you guys act that way. While I do not believe that, it's just as much of a blanket statement as what you said. It's inflammatory and doesn't add to the conversation.

There are lots of females who will do girl on girl stuff for attention but that does NOT make them bi sexual.

It wasn't just how the girl hid her body, it was her tone too. Everything, not just the fact she hid her body, was a negative reaction.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: knoledgeispower

No, it's not about assuming they are. It's just the undercurrent that they could be. I have mostly male friends. I know they aren't viewing me as a potential sex partner, but there are still things I will do around my girl friends that I never would around the guys simply for the sex aspect.

I would change clothes around a close girl friend. We're all girls here, right? There's no way I'd do that around my male friends. Potential sex partners or not, it's the whole girl/guy thing at work.

Now, let's go back to the aspect of we're all girls here. Let's assume you suddenly find out one of those girls should always have been more in the "guy" category all along. It's a little weird.

No I do not find it a little weird and it's a bummer you find it weird.

I know how to change in front of guys so nothing can be seen and If I needed to change in front of my best friend (who is a guy & we've been friends for 11yrs) I would do so and not feel like he's going to think of me in a sexual way.

You still didn't answer my question:

Do you go into every friendship laying everything on the table or do you hold some stuff back while you wait to see if the friendship will continue & if they can be trusted with some information?

Do you say, "Hi, I'm Jane, 27yrs old. I like XYZ foods, I've been cheated on XYZ amount of times. I have a messed up family, I'm bi sexual, I've had XYZ sex partners & like XYZ sex positions & fantasize about XYZ.", every time you meet someone & they could be a potential friend? I know that's now how I make friends.

originally posted by: knoledgeispower

originally posted by: ArtemisE

Arnt almost all chics bi-sexual???? I mean just about all of you claim to be. I can't believe you had one girl kinda shy away and you consider that a negative reaction....

Wow I can't believe you just said that. NO not all females are bi sexual, typical male response. Aren't all guys douche bags, I mean just about all of you guys act that way. While I do not believe that, it's just as much of a blanket statement as what you said. It's inflammatory and doesn't add to the conversation.

There are lots of females who will do girl on girl stuff for attention but that does NOT make them bi sexual.

It wasn't just how the girl hid her body, it was her tone too. Everything, not just the fact she hid her body, was a negative reaction.

At some point I think we all have to realize feelings aren't real. I can not control your feelings nor you control mine. Just because you feel slighted. Doesn't mean the offending person intended to slight you. If no offence is intended. Then none should be perceived.

originally posted by: ArtemisE

originally posted by: knoledgeispower

originally posted by: ArtemisE

Arnt almost all chics bi-sexual???? I mean just about all of you claim to be. I can't believe you had one girl kinda shy away and you consider that a negative reaction....

Wow I can't believe you just said that. NO not all females are bi sexual, typical male response. Aren't all guys douche bags, I mean just about all of you guys act that way. While I do not believe that, it's just as much of a blanket statement as what you said. It's inflammatory and doesn't add to the conversation.

There are lots of females who will do girl on girl stuff for attention but that does NOT make them bi sexual.

It wasn't just how the girl hid her body, it was her tone too. Everything, not just the fact she hid her body, was a negative reaction.

At some point I think we all have to realize feelings aren't real. I can not control your feelings nor you control mine. Just because you feel slighted. Doesn't mean the offending person intended to slight you. If no offence is intended. Then none should be perceived.

You are assuming the person didn't intend to offend when they did. I grow tired of having to reexplain why so you can just reread what I have already stated on numerous occasions.

You weren't there so you just assume it was all innocent when it was far from.

Feelings are real, I don't know why you assume they are not.

originally posted by: charles1952
As an outsider, the video was disappointing. I was told that That queers were afraid of what might happen to them in the workplace. In the situations shown, however, each was supported by management.

You were expecting the Passion of the Christ?

It seemed to go "I'm not going to tell anybody, so I can't speak of certain things. That isolates me and I'm afraid. Someone might not like my sexual preference and get mean to me, or abusive." An experience which also happens to various religious groups (Muslim, Catholic, Jewish), political groups (Tea Party), or even wearing the wrong jersey at a football game in LA, which can get you mugged. (Let's not mention what happens to someone who announces "I work for the IRS."

Those things aren't as similar as you seem to think.

I can (and do) say I'm not interested in discussing my religion at work, I can refuse to talk politics, and I don't need to wear a freaking football jersey. If you say you don't want to talk about your personal life, people just assume you're gay anyway. I can see coming out to a Muslim family as Catholic might be an issue, but not generally at work. I've never seen someone ostracized at work because of their political beliefs. I've seen it happen to one hardcore creationist who was espousing Christian apologetics daily, and several LGBT people for varying reasons.

I also went to church for years. Church was vandalized twice. LGBT bar though ... every second night has at least someone yelling '[expletive homos]' on the way past. Your mileage may vary if you live in a gay friendly city or work in a gay friendly industry. My life experience is like night and day from the start of my career to the end because of this.

Seriously, announce you're gay at your church. Don't be a wilted flower, just give it a red hot go. Enjoy everyone standing an extra 5ft away from you.

I don't think queers want to be treated differently than anybody else.

Surely this is sarcasm. ;p

And you just do what you would do for anyone else. I see a religious person getting a hard time or being made uncomfortable at work - I make it stop.

originally posted by: Metallicus
You can't expect everyone else to change for you to be comfortable.

Gay pride, remember? Just don't be in your co-workers face about it, and don't hang back like a wilted flower, then people will be sure there is something wrong internally.

Some persons just react badly to it, and when the job market is bad it can mean your partner doesn't come to work functions. It's barely anything to do with gay pride or people changing for you. I sometimes don't approve of someone's partner, but I'm acutely aware it's none of my business and I should act like a grown up. Acting like a grown up can be optional when someone has a same sex partner apparently.

Oh, another thing. Is the word "queer" as I've used it terribly offensive? I honestly didn't think so, but if I'm wrong please let me know.

That's okay, you've only been researching this topic for a few years. It's generally around the first decade that you work that stuff out.

originally posted by: knoledgeispower

originally posted by: ArtemisE

originally posted by: knoledgeispower

originally posted by: ArtemisE

Arnt almost all chics bi-sexual???? I mean just about all of you claim to be. I can't believe you had one girl kinda shy away and you consider that a negative reaction....

Wow I can't believe you just said that. NO not all females are bi sexual, typical male response. Aren't all guys douche bags, I mean just about all of you guys act that way. While I do not believe that, it's just as much of a blanket statement as what you said. It's inflammatory and doesn't add to the conversation.

There are lots of females who will do girl on girl stuff for attention but that does NOT make them bi sexual.

It wasn't just how the girl hid her body, it was her tone too. Everything, not just the fact she hid her body, was a negative reaction.

At some point I think we all have to realize feelings aren't real. I can not control your feelings nor you control mine. Just because you feel slighted. Doesn't mean the offending person intended to slight you. If no offence is intended. Then none should be perceived.

You are assuming the person didn't intend to offend when they did. I grow tired of having to reexplain why so you can just reread what I have already stated on numerous occasions.

You weren't there so you just assume it was all innocent when it was far from.

Feelings are real, I don't know why you assume they are not.

Even in the case of an intentional offence. Words are Wind. No reaction some one has in a random encounter actually effects you. If the offending person is in a position of athority that's different. There is nothing I can say to you to make you feel some way. No matter what I say. Your feelings are your own . They are not real. Your reaction is real.

How someone feels about a situation is relative. So it is irrelevant how you felt afterward.

In reality her voice changed tone and shyed away. That's all. She didn't threaten you. She didn't berate your life style. This is you being over empathic. Your assuming to know the inner workings of her mind by inferring a lot of extra meaning into a shocked voice and a little body language. We don't get to push our personal personality quirks onto random people.

P.S. I'm a progressive atheist.

a reply to: knoledgeispower

People are so touchy and weak today. I am sorry it is harsh but everyone gets bullied in life. It makes you stronger and lets you know when you are going over the line.



Is it any wonder why so many people live in constant fear of everything. And just to add I am 100% for equal rights for everyone.

originally posted by: SubTruth
a reply to: knoledgeispower

People are so touchy and weak today. I am sorry it is harsh but everyone gets bullied in life. It makes you stronger and lets you know when you are going over the line.



Is it any wonder why so many people live in constant fear of everything. And just to add I am 100% for equal rights for everyone.

I'm a liberal atheist and I agree. You can't expect every person you meet to instinctually know what could cause you to "feel bad". Were humans, we have the innate ability to make ourselves feel bad with or with out any outside stimulus. Now if they physically do something to effect your life, that's different. But there should be NOTHING a stanger could say to effect you. Emotions are internal, relative and half the time completely illogical.

a reply to: ArtemisE

Common ground between a liberal and a conservative is a rare thing indeed these days. I have to say your thoughts are more conservative minded then the average liberal.

originally posted by: SubTruth
a reply to: ArtemisE

Common ground between a liberal and a conservative is a rare thing indeed these days. I have to say your thoughts are more conservative minded then the average liberal.

No they aren't. You just have to talk to real people and not buy into the crazy sterio types.

The powers that be are really good at using buzz words to pretend like groups of people are evil.

Unions, corporations, socialists, communists , conservatives nor liberals are inherently evil. It all depends on who you put in charge. King author running a monachy would be paradise while hitler running a democracy would be a disaster.

IMHO if you watch both sides, conservative media race baits and flat out lies to enrage there base. They point out one case where a baker was made to make a cake for gays as proof of a war on Christians. When in reality it was one bad call by a judge.

a reply to: knoledgeispower

The girl then informed me how stupid it was of Nikki to react like that because Nikki had fooled around with girls before. I was extremely pissed off about the whole experience after I found that out and told myself that I was going to tear Nikki a new one if I ever saw her again. I had wanted to tell Nikki that day in the store that just because I liked girls didn't mean I liked Nikki, I didn't find her the slightest bit attractive, had a terrible personality and a super annoying voice. I hate it when people assume that because you like the same sex that it means you want to be with all of them. No, we have standards to, thanks.

Hey maybe "nicki" has feeling towards you she is uncomfortable with even though she has experimented.

Social programming and peer pressure take over weak minds.

She sound s as though she has a weak mind.

originally posted by: ArtemisE

originally posted by: SubTruth
a reply to: knoledgeispower

People are so touchy and weak today. I am sorry it is harsh but everyone gets bullied in life. It makes you stronger and lets you know when you are going over the line.



Is it any wonder why so many people live in constant fear of everything. And just to add I am 100% for equal rights for everyone.

I'm a liberal atheist and I agree. You can't expect every person you meet to instinctually know what could cause you to "feel bad". Were humans, we have the innate ability to make ourselves feel bad with or with out any outside stimulus. Now if they physically do something to effect your life, that's different. But there should be NOTHING a stanger could say to effect you. Emotions are internal, relative and half the time completely illogical.

Wow you guys just figured out how to stop bullying. Quick make a video & tell people that nothing a stranger says should effect you. Hurry before more kids kill themselves due to bullying!!!!

Clearly you & SubTruth are Vulcans but for the rest of us humans, emotions are natural & it is healthy to express them all.

Also you & SubTruth must have never been bullied for you to think so illogically about the subject.

Nearly 1 in 3 students (27.8%) report being bullied during the school year (National Center for Educational Statistics, 2013).

The National Crime Victimization Survey of the 2011 school year found that 27.8% of students (ages12-18) reported being bullied at school, while 9% reported being cyber-bullied anywhere (NCES, 2013).

Of the students that reported being bullied in the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCES, 2013):

64.5% said it was once or twice in the school year
18.5% said once or twice a month
9.2% said once or twice a week
7.8% said almost every day



Of the students in the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCES, 2013):

17.6% reported being made fun of, called names or insulted
18.3% had rumors spread about them
5.0% were threatened with harm
7.9% were pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on
3.3% were tried to make do things they did not want to do
5.5% were excluded from activities on purpose
2.8% had their property destroyed on purpose



The Urban Institute’s study on bullying revealed 17% students reported being victims of cyberbullying, 41% reported being victims of physical bullying, and 45% reported being victims of psychological bullying (Zweig, Dank, Lachman & Yahner, 2013).

Students from the Urban Institute’s study on bullying reported (Zweig, Dank, Lachman & Yahner, 2013):

25% of students reported they experienced bullying on school grounds.
23% reported the bullying happened during the school day.
15% reported they experienced at least one type of bullying (cyber, physical, and/or psychological) at school once a month or more.

bullying statistics

I was bullied from grade 3-grade 12 and it was every day. I wasn't bullied for my sexual orientation, I was bullied because I was poor & overweight. I just barely made it through school without killing myself & there are lots of kids who don't make it.

You can tell yourself over and over that what people are saying to you doesn't matter but when you hear "You're pathetic, go kill yourself" daily, it starts to seep in & you start to believe it. That is a FACT!!!

originally posted by: InhaleExhale
a reply to: knoledgeispower

The girl then informed me how stupid it was of Nikki to react like that because Nikki had fooled around with girls before. I was extremely pissed off about the whole experience after I found that out and told myself that I was going to tear Nikki a new one if I ever saw her again. I had wanted to tell Nikki that day in the store that just because I liked girls didn't mean I liked Nikki, I didn't find her the slightest bit attractive, had a terrible personality and a super annoying voice. I hate it when people assume that because you like the same sex that it means you want to be with all of them. No, we have standards to, thanks.

Hey maybe "nicki" has feeling towards you she is uncomfortable with even though she has experimented.

Social programming and peer pressure take over weak minds.

She sound s as though she has a weak mind.

I very very highly doubt that she was into me, she was one of the super popular girls & I was considered to be one the lowest of low girls. Plus the only time we ever spoke to each other was in class & even then there wasn't much talk going on.

originally posted by: knoledgeispower

originally posted by: ArtemisE

originally posted by: SubTruth
a reply to: knoledgeispower

People are so touchy and weak today. I am sorry it is harsh but everyone gets bullied in life. It makes you stronger and lets you know when you are going over the line.



Is it any wonder why so many people live in constant fear of everything. And just to add I am 100% for equal rights for everyone.

I'm a liberal atheist and I agree. You can't expect every person you meet to instinctually know what could cause you to "feel bad". Were humans, we have the innate ability to make ourselves feel bad with or with out any outside stimulus. Now if they physically do something to effect your life, that's different. But there should be NOTHING a stanger could say to effect you. Emotions are internal, relative and half the time completely illogical.

Wow you guys just figured out how to stop bullying. Quick make a video & tell people that nothing a stranger says should effect you. Hurry before more kids kill themselves due to bullying!!!!

Clearly you & SubTruth are Vulcans but for the rest of us humans, emotions are natural & it is healthy to express them all.

Also you & SubTruth must have never been bullied for you to think so illogically about the subject.

Nearly 1 in 3 students (27.8%) report being bullied during the school year (National Center for Educational Statistics, 2013).

The National Crime Victimization Survey of the 2011 school year found that 27.8% of students (ages12-18) reported being bullied at school, while 9% reported being cyber-bullied anywhere (NCES, 2013).

Of the students that reported being bullied in the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCES, 2013):

64.5% said it was once or twice in the school year
18.5% said once or twice a month
9.2% said once or twice a week
7.8% said almost every day



Of the students in the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCES, 2013):

17.6% reported being made fun of, called names or insulted
18.3% had rumors spread about them
5.0% were threatened with harm
7.9% were pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on
3.3% were tried to make do things they did not want to do
5.5% were excluded from activities on purpose
2.8% had their property destroyed on purpose



The Urban Institute’s study on bullying revealed 17% students reported being victims of cyberbullying, 41% reported being victims of physical bullying, and 45% reported being victims of psychological bullying (Zweig, Dank, Lachman & Yahner, 2013).

Students from the Urban Institute’s study on bullying reported (Zweig, Dank, Lachman & Yahner, 2013):

25% of students reported they experienced bullying on school grounds.
23% reported the bullying happened during the school day.
15% reported they experienced at least one type of bullying (cyber, physical, and/or psychological) at school once a month or more.

bullying statistics

I was bullied from grade 3-grade 12 and it was every day. I wasn't bullied for my sexual orientation, I was bullied because I was poor & overweight. I just barely made it through school without killing myself & there are lots of kids who don't make it.

You can tell yourself over and over that what people are saying to you doesn't matter but when you hear "You're pathetic, go kill yourself" daily, it starts to seep in & you start to believe it. That is a FACT!!!

But it's ridiculous to expect the world/people around you to control your emotional state. I think anyone would agree that the repeatative mob mentality bullying that your referring too is worlds away from the reaction you described. You can't expect people to control there gut reactions just so they don't "harsh your mello"....it's far more up to us how we precieve things. The same would have to be said for race-baiting republicans, you shouldn't be allowed to tell people your gay, because it upsets me..