Funny Telemarketer Stories

So, another thread about a phishing scam got me thinking. Does anyone here decide to have a 'little fun' with those annoying little telemarketers that call at the worst times? Sometimes I do. Here's an example:

I'm having a beer with my neighbor when a guy calls telling me he's going to lower my electric bill. I told the guy I don't have an elecrtic bill and I'm self sufficient. He asks me what I mean by that and I tell him I have a small fusion reactor in the basement. I told him how I burn Helium 3 and it's safe, efficient and provides more than enough power. The guy sits there dumbfounded for a minute and says "wow, I guess I really can't lower your bill".

Anyone else have creative ways to handle those pesky people? Let's hear your stories ATS!

a reply to: RomaSempre

Okay, not really a telemarketing story but quite similar.

We lived in an apartment complex, my ex, myself and a friend. The night before we had had a party and some friends had stayed over.

we had always had a problem with Jehovah's witnesses in this complex and they annoyed us to no end so my buddy and I cooks up a scheme to get back at them.

So here we are with like six people on our apartment chilling. Its around noon and everyone was getting ready to take off when there is a knock at the door.

Guess who?

I look out the peephole and, sure enough, its the Jehovah's witnesses, we had a plan now it was time to implement it and luckily for us we had friends over to strengthen the ruse! Before answering the door I grabbed this black wool cloak of my buddies and threw it over my shoulders and put the Hood up. Meanwhile, my buddy was filling the rest of the group in on the plan.

I open the door and the witnesses see me standing there shirtless, in a pair of shorts wearing this evil looking cloak while everyone in the apartment is chanting "Sarcophilus Satanicus" in cadence in the background. I never seen anyone turn tail and run so quick! They never came back.

By the way, despite sounding evil to the nines, sarcophilus satanicus is just the scientific name for the Tasmanian devil.

Good times, good times.

a reply to: CagliostroTheGreat

I would have stated, in a creepy tone: "Ahhhh, good, you are just in time to help with the clean up."
Or something to do with sacrificing the virgin or something; and you should have opened the door with a bloody knife (you know, after cutting up the meat for dinner).

a reply to: RomaSempre

a reply to: Skada

My plan was to say: No! Our ritual has not yet come to fruition! Or something of the sort but I would have had to yell it at them as they fled to their car and back to the relative safety from whence they had come.

a reply to: CagliostroTheGreat

Star for that clever story. Mine, although not quite as funny involved answering the phone with these words:

"Hello, may I speak to George, please?"

The line would go silent for a moment before the caller recovered and said he was calling me.

"Oh great, then you are George."

He would deny it whereupon I would politely insist that I want to talk to George. They usually hung up on me, and if they called again and met the same fate, they didn't bother me again after that.

Ooh! I have one.

We get calls all the time here at work, from people requesting the model number off our copier. I know what these are, so I decided to have some fun. I gave her a fake number, then listened, oohing and ahhing about their great "deals" on copy paper and toner.

Finally, I told her I knew it was a scam and that I had given her a fake number. She screamed "Your a Bitch" so loud, everyone in the office heard her.

Glad my boss thought it was as funny as I did. I'm guessing she lost her job.

a reply to: aboutface

Dude, that was just as funny as mine, I lol'd. Next tine may I suggest using a funnier name like Raul or Derby?

a reply to: RomaSempre

If you have caller ID and you're really, really sure it's not your boss, etc., just pick up the phone and don't say hello. In a shaky voice blurt out, "OK, it's done, but there's blood everywhere! What should I tell the cops when they ask about you?"

a reply to: RomaSempre


I use three different approaches.

1) When i answer i say "Can you hold a minute while i just turn off the cooker" I leave the phone receiver on the hall table whilst still connected to the telemarketer. I return about 15 minutes later and hey presto they have gone

2) When i answer i say, "Thank you for calling, i live alone and i have not spoken with anyone for 4 days. Do you mind if we just have a social chat before we deal with what you have rang for" They hang up the phone instantly.

3) I ask the telemarketer " Can i please have you home telephone number? " They always reply " Sorry you can't call me at my home" I reply "well you can't call me here at my home then either" I hang up the phone.

Many many years ago when we bought our first home we had no cable access and only had a TV tower with a rotor for our reception on our TV.

So you know the cable tv gods know this and call within two weeks of our moving in.
He was your basic hard to understand accent and telling me that they will install the cable and do all the in house things that need doing for free. Plus we would get 6 months of basic tv for free then we will pay through the nose for the same programe.

All I had to say was yes, but I lied to him and explained that our property was over 4000 feet from the road and thats a lot cable!

I asked him "when can we expect you"? for our free install and the line went dead LOL

One other time we had a wrong number call asking us if "Barbara" could go with us camping that weekend, kind of mean but for some reason this lady was sure I was her daughters friend's Dad so I said sure.

Believe it or not we talked for at least 5 minutes and I made sure to tell Barb's mom to have her ready to go in the morning as we are leaving early.

Something in the 5 am range LOL.......The mother says to me we will have her packed and up and ready to go.

Must have been an interesting weekend for that family. :-)

S&F for a very funny thread.

Regards, Iwinder

a reply to: RomaSempre

Here is one I read that had me on the floor. Its not about a telemarketer but still priceless.

How To Deal With Wrong Numbers
Leola (last name) of Ribrock, Tenn, had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.

Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else’s calls 24 hours a day didn’t make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o’clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, “No problem. How many nights?”

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit.

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Leola said. “We trust you.”

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers’ convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter’s wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. “There’s no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers.”

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.

People kept showing up for wedddings, bar mitzvahs and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, “We’re prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel.”

Leola replied. “We’ll take it, but only if you change the telephone number.”

www.instanthumour.com...

a reply to: tadaman

I had the same problem in collage, me and my roommates phone number was one digit off from the auto parts store. We were always getting wrong calls, so one day when a caller called asking for a generator, I yelled to my roommate "do we have a generator for a 62 corvair?" sure he answers, then caller asked the price and I gave him really low price.
It did not stop the calls, but it made our day.