My "new" life is not what I expected.

He's providing for your family, not for personal gain.

I would just agree to move once he agrees to settle. But that's just my simplistic view of things. I'm not in your shoes and I only know as much as you're willing to tell and I'm not the one having to face the consequences of a bad decision. Good luck.

a reply to: Malraux

I think your husband is being selfish, then again, he's military trained.. his heart is hardened to some extent I'll wager like most vets I know due to the horrors they face during service.

He doesn't need a military or government job, and you guys don't need a 3000 dollar for Rent house... thats NUTZ. Here in Louisiana you can get a nice 3 bedroom say for 1200 a mo. and this is in a close suburb of New Orleans. Your two college age kids who don't live at home will be fine if you moved someplace else.

I think he needs to get his priorities straight because what I'm reading form your Op is Family is Not a priority for him at all. This happens with lots of vets. They learn to be and really want to be loners. I'd suggest professional counseling but it wont work if he cannot attend.

Sorry for your troubles, and best wishes.

a reply to: Malraux

You aren't selfish, because you want the whole family together, and he didn't consult you before making a big decision. I feel for you. Mine is military, and looking to retire as soon as he can get the paperwork done. We'll be where you have been already soon enough; hunting him a new and hopefully better-paying job, in some new location. I have told him, I don't care what he does, as long as it pays the bills, we have enough money to enjoy life for a change, and he can handle the work.

I can understand your husband disliking the one job, but taking one that splits the family seems extreme. The college kids, you could move away from, but a teen in school, active in sports, is a bigger consideration. That said, he could relocate as well. What I would do is check the area where you'd have to move, and see how things look. Talk to the younger son, and see how he feels. Maryland.....not a place I would choose myself! That's an issue, too - where the family lives needs to be a place you all can handle living.

It's encouraging that he's looking for work closer to you. Hopefully, God willing, he can find something that will pay enough and keep you together. Praying for all of you.

a reply to: LadyGreenEyes

I sort of rethought the whole ideal through but I guess it comes down to the fact that he is still so mobile while I remain the same. It isn't about the money but about his job satisfaction. Truthfully, this has started to threaten our relationship and I am hanging on to hoping he finally finds happiness in his own way. Even from reading some of the responses- which I asked for- I was surprised to find that his providing was the end all. When do I ever get a voice? I have worked but it's never been as smooth as having a fulfilling career. My career ended ever 3-4 years and was cut short at taking care of kids without family. Now, I thought about getting a job but he only comes home a few times a month, so I don't want to waste those precious moments.

He is a great provider. But I never thought I would wish we were back in the Army. At least then there would be an end to the deployment. There's no right answer and I guess I should just shut up and be thankful that we make a good living...or move away from my kids...or just make my own life and let him find a place in it.

Btw...thank you to everyone for taking your time to read my personal relationship rant!

a reply to: Malraux

It isn't an easy situation. Nor is marriage all about simply providing. That is important, but if it means the family is torn apart, that rather defeats the purpose! At this point, he really should find a job that would allow the family to be together. Even if you moved, if he was away from there a lot, it doesn't seem like that would resolve much. Happy in work is great, but it isn't the main thing. You should have a voice as well.

I am very hesitant to tell anyone to end a marriage, because I think we should try as hard as we can to keep them together. In this case, what is needed is some serious communication, and some agreed upon resolution. Ideally, one that brings you all together most of the time, and preserves the marriage you have invested so much time on. You should have a life together, being married. I wish I had some better advice, but all I can do is pray something will happen to help get you together, and make your family stronger. Hang in there, and feel free to PM to rant of needed. Not on all the time (especially the next few days, with my comp in the shop and borrowing hubby's), but will respond when I can.