Sharing some thoughts... about me.

I have no idea if this is wise to share this here, but my 'gut' suggests that it is something that should happen. Obviously I am not going to go into details about names and places, but I want to share what I'm thinking about some of the events in my life at present; so here is what I have to say...

I've been involved with someone for twenty months. It's hard to think that almost two years has gone by and that it has gone by very, very fast too. Often it feels like a few short months, which it has been short, in some respects. Regardless of the shortness of time, I have to say I have become quite attached.

This is someone who has totally changed my opinions about a number of things in life. A few years ago, I was totally against the idea of marriage. Not because it was an 'archaic thing', but just the fact that I hate the idea of the state/church being involved in the union of two people. Why do we need to have someone else set terms and boundaries of a relationship? How is that right? If two adults want to get into a relationship then why let someone else interfere? Now, however, my thoughts have altered. I still ask these questions, but now I would get married - not perhaps in a traditional sense, but there would still be a ceremony of sorts, and some kind of vows etc.

We don't argue. What more can I say about this? Well, it is an awesome thing for starters. I know most couples argue, but not us. Even when we disagree we seem to be able to talk out a solution in no time at all. It is certainly a new thing for me. I did resolve a few years ago to be more accomodating of others, and to understand opposing views more often, but we both seem to have that in common which is excellent.

I suppose the issue I have is that we have an age gap. I'm older, by a bit more than a few years. I have, in the past, felt quite guilty about this, because I sometimes get concerned that my age and experience can be used as a tool to manipulate and 'get what I want'. That aspect of the relationship really frightens me, mostly because I don't want to ever be thought of as anything but honest, and straight. What's funny is that as I write this, I have Jesse Ventura staring at me from the side of this page, giving me a stern look, as though to say, "You're so self deprecating, knock it off! Just enjoy the present and all that you have."

The present really is where we live, but so often we are all guilty of being stuck in the past, or obsessed with the future (for one reason or another) and that prevents us from enjoying the present.

Finally, my other concern is that I actually have some one in my life I actually love. I have loved before, and been built up then torn appart by love, but this feels different. For this reason:

If this doesn't work, I will be ripped appart, more than ever before - I know that for a certainty. But...

My heart tells me that if this doesn't work, it will be glad to see my 'hummingbird' fly and sing, and be free. Certainly there is a part of me that feels a little insecure and wants to keep the hummingbird locked up and all to myself, but I would at the same time be content to let my 'hummingbird' be free to sing and fly and just 'be'. Something inside me actually rejoices at that idea, perhaps even looks forward to it. Hopefully it never happens, but despite the morbidity of it, it's positive, I suppose.

It's actually a frightening thing being this 'involved' with someone else. Occasionally, I think I should break it off because of the age gap. Or because one of us is going back to university and there will be distance to think about, whilst the other remains and makes a career. Obviously, we'll see each other as often as practicable, but there are always things to think about.

Perhaps I just wanted to share my thoughts. I did want to say that I really am in love, even if it's just to finally consciously acknowledge it. I really do feel that this leaves me feeling quite amazing and 'on top of the world', but vulnerable at the same time. Disturbed and content all at once. What an amazing experience this thing the 'human condition' really is. Full of amibvilence, complication and simplicity all a the same time.

For anyone reading this who might be single, and feeling down - please try not to feel that way. Being single or attached have their merits and drawbacks. If you're feeling down at being single, then focus on being happy within yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. When you go out and make yourself happy, and learn to spoil yourself, others see this and gravitate towards it. That's what helps increase your chances of getting attached... Learn new things, do new things, meet new people, be happy doing it. It'll make you a deeper and more interesting person, and more exciting. Everyone is always interested in exciting people. I know because I've seen it a number of times in those around me who have made that realisation that they are responsible for their own happiness, and should not depend upon others to make them happy.

I can't say I have posted this because I want advice, because I don't think I do. Any advice, or suggestions given will certainly be appreciated, though.

All that is posted above is a massive abbreviation of the past twenty months, and there are always many aspects that get left out for the sake of brevity. Perhaps there are things I a missing, or just not able to focus on properly. It might also be that the time has come where life has introduced me to another who will have a huge impact on my life (certainly that's how it feels right now).

But who know's. This is the present, and I need to live here and now, not in the future. Certainly consideration of the past should be limited to a 'learning exercise' and nothing more...

I feel I'm rambling, so this post is finished. If you want to add comments, please feel free. Anything added is appreciated.

All my best to you all for reading.

Age is only numbers..

If you are afraid that your age could be a tool that you will become manipulated.. then this affair is not for you , it only tells that you are not into it 100%. About marriage you can always get marriage settlement done and if she loves you then she accepts that.
It is good to think issues out.. make a list what bothers you and find a solution if any.. to clear your mind

Love, and love hard. So long as your age difference isn't violating laws or anything, that is.

You wont look back on life and regret trying, that is for sure. the regrets will come from sitting on the sideline and avoiding life.

I have been married 20 years to my shining light. We do everything together, and only separate to go to work. What I have is wonderful, and I wish everyone else could experience it. Don't miss an opportunity to have something special.

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
Love, and love hard. So long as your age difference isn't violating laws or anything, that is.

You wont look back on life and regret trying, that is for sure. the regrets will come from sitting on the sideline and avoiding life.

I have been married 20 years to my shining light. We do everything together, and only separate to go to work. What I have is wonderful, and I wish everyone else could experience it. Don't miss an opportunity to have something special.

You say several things that are part of my ethos.

"Love and love hard" - Is something I have tried to live by every day. And the age differences aren't violating any laws, thankfully.
As for regrets, I don't do that. There are lessons in life, and there are memories... but regrets only say that you're stuck in the past and can't move on. I prefer to live as much in the present as I possibly can. Although, being human, I'm not always perfect at that.
Being married for twenty years... that's quite a thought. Perhaps that's where my feelings of 'uncertainty' come from. There's been a shift in my thinking, and I'm still getting used to that.

Thanks to everyone for the great comments. That's another reason why I love ATS... the people here are awesome.

a reply to: dampnickers

I know you don't want advice, but I just had to throw in my story here. As others say, age is just numbers. I've been living with my wife now for 14 years and married for nine. She moved in with me when she was 18. We've just had our second child together two months ago today and I'd do anything for her. I know she would do the same for me. I don't need to be exact about the age difference, but it is enough to say that I have a child from a previous marriage who is a year older than my wife.

a reply to: wtbengineer

Thanks for sharing!

As time has gone on, I've come into contact with a few couples where there's quite an age gap. I suppose it's another factor in my thought processes where 'society' says it's 'wrong'. Probably by small minded individuals, who really don't have a good understanding of the complexities and wonders of life around them.

I have to say, it's an amazing thing to think about that no matter how old we are great things can and do happen. The key is learning to simply live in the moment and enjoy each and every one - whilst they last, and hopefully that's for a very, very long time.

All the best to you and yours too!

a reply to: dampnickers

Thanks, and yes, that's how I think about it too. My wife lost her father when she was a teenager. Her mother and father were around the same age, so it happens, you know? We all die, some sooner than others. We have to live while we're here...