Advice please: Should I apologize or forget it?

I have been thinking this over quite a bit lately, and I don't really know if I should worry about it ...

I tend to get very stupid (as many people do) when I am drunk. I have a bit of a drinking problem. I don't do it often, but when I do I always go overboard and act like an idiot. A couple months ago I was at a bar with a friend and bumped into a former college classmate and his wife. Well I was way too drunk and I got really obnoxious ... toward him, not his wife. I won't share what I said, because I am quite ashamed of it. Well a couple weeks later I saw him again at the same bar and I apologized ... drunkenly.

I am now thinking of contacting him by email (the only contact info I have for him) and apologizing for real. But at the same time I wonder if I am overthinking it and if I should just let it go. Yes I am neurotic

Any suggestions?

reply to post by InvisibleOwl


I have worn your shoes. The most important opinion of yourself is your own. If you feel the need to apologize, do it, but do it sober, and do it as to forgive yourself. Hearing you are forgiven pales in comparison to forgiving yourself. If you are going to do it, do it right and let it go. Good luck to you.

Your overthinking it .. youve apologized once thats enough let the matter drop and move on.

reply to post by InvisibleOwl


I never apologize via email.

It must be done face to face. Set up a lunch (on you) and do it.

Personally, if you keep,making an a** out of yourself every time you drink then maybe you should slow down and take a break from the booze...and if your excuse is that you are not a big drinker and still make an a** out of yourself, well then don't drink at all....It's only causing unwanted drama in your life....and quite honestly, I've been in your friends shoes where I've had a friend who always ended up apologizing to me for her actions....after awhile it gets old and doesn't hold much truth. ....but I guess the big question is...what do you feel in your heart you should do?

Well a couple weeks later I saw him again at the same bar and I apologized ... drunkenly.

You've appologized once, let it go - maybe focus less on this and more on avoiding being a dumbazz...

Let it go .


Better to resolve what caused it than to try resolving what you caused.

If it truly bother you then yes you should apologize. Seeing how you are going to do it by email imo is kind of cold. If you want to apologize and it possible do it in person because he could think that you are just drunk again.

you should cut down the alcohol content of what you are drinking or stop drinking ,their are many good low alcohol drinks on the market that will not leave you feeling out when you are out with friends .

Many years ago a group of us got one guy drunk on low alcohol beer he thought it was normal beer he was on and still felt drunk ,swill some Spirits round a glass pour it out and fill it with coke etc and you'r nose smell's the spirit fooling the brain into thinking you are on spirits .

And do not sweat it with you'r friend leave it be or he will think you are a nutter stalking him but the next time you happen to meet be sober .

You are a little older and wiser today

reply to post by LadySkadi


Starred for making me laugh

Thanks all. More of a split on responses that I expected. I should have said in my OP that I am cutting out the drinking. Was thinking about the last 4-5 times I have gone out drinking and each time I did something for which I had to later apologize. Frankly I am tired of it. This guy I offended is someone I respect, thus my considering doing this. I agree that it should be done in person, but I am a coward.

But as some of you pointed out, it's for me too. I need to let this crap go.

ETA: I will ask him for coffee or lunch, tell him I am done drinking, apologize and never mention it again.

texting/email is for breaking up with your BF/GF, not to apologize to friends. I have heard of people breaking up that way around here....brrraaack brrrack...cluck cluck cluck.

Ditch the booze. I'm speaking from extreme experience in the obnoxious department.
You are a bad drunk if you feel the need to apologize even once due to drinking.

It's been 10 years since I gave up the heavy social lifestyle and now I know how to make people laugh, laugh for myself without a drop. The greatest thing about partying sober is being aware of what you are saying and doing just before you do it. You can pre-live your regrets haha!

I probably have an unpopular opinion, but I think an email would be quite alright. You have already apologized in person and I think calling up and inviting him for lunch when he is some one you used to know is a little over board. Just email him and tell him you were thinking about the last time you saw him and you wanted to say again you were sorry and have a big mouth. I am sure he knows you to some extent and don't want blood for a slip in taste and judgement. In today's world you have already done more than most people would, by offering an apology in the first place. After one in person, even if you had been drinking (you were at a bar, right?), and a written follow up I think you are off the hook for your loud mouth.

In this life there is no room for cheap regrets, you apologized now move on, what do you think the other guy is doing, i will tell you, telling everyone in his circle from college that knew you how much of a dumbazz you were.
So is your over extended apology going to mean anything..no.
Advice, get off the alcohol and change your life style so the next time you meet he will tell them a different story.

You've apologized. Although in a drunken state- it's to be expected to some extent. After all, you were out drinking. Likewise- the issue was caused while you were out drinking. If you've apologized that's fine. That is a step that you have taken, not him. If he hasn't accepted your apology, that's his issue. Because of this, sending him an email will be redundant. If he hasn't forgiven you, he's not going to bother reading it.

The best you can do is wait (not dwell) and accept the outcome.
Peace.

InvisibleOwl
I have been thinking this over quite a bit lately, and I don't really know if I should worry about it ...

I tend to get very stupid (as many people do) when I am drunk. I have a bit of a drinking problem. I don't do it often, but when I do I always go overboard and act like an idiot. A couple months ago I was at a bar with a friend and bumped into a former college classmate and his wife. Well I was way too drunk and I got really obnoxious ... toward him, not his wife. I won't share what I said, because I am quite ashamed of it. Well a couple weeks later I saw him again at the same bar and I apologized ... drunkenly.

I am now thinking of contacting him by email (the only contact info I have for him) and apologizing for real. But at the same time I wonder if I am overthinking it and if I should just let it go. Yes I am neurotic

Any suggestions?

follow your instincts,

If you are thinking of doing so, then do it so as to not look back and ask why didn't I do it when I had the chance.