Licensed for foster!!!

Hi everyone....

I posted the other day, grumbling about how long the process was taking to become a licensed foster home... I asked y'all to send positive thoughts/prayers to help speed things up... And guess what?!?! As of yesterday, we are a licensed foster home!

We will be accepting sibling groups, ages up to 10, and up to 3 children at a time... We can be called any minute now.

My question now is - anyone have any advice for a VERY nervous daddy to be?

reply to post by journey2010


Yes I do.

Children you receive are at your home because, through no fault of their own, their lives have just been turned upside down.

They are traumatized even if they are being brave.

Take it slow to build their trust and when appropriate give them lots of hugs and cuddles. Try and include them in decisions so they have some control of their own existence. Listen to them. Saying, "I don't know" is often a good answer.

Please don't use phrases such as "We are your new Mummy and Daddy" they have parents and will feel strong attachments to them. Don't try and break these down, you can't!

Instead, phrases like, "We are your carers for as long as you are with us and since all children need love and a good home, we will do our best to give you a nice home."

I could write a book on this subject.

P

reply to post by pheonix358


Thank you!

The hardest part (right now) of this is knowing how excited we are... and how badly we want that phone to ring. But we also know that for the phone to ring, and for us to have the opportunity to care for these children, bad things are going on in their life right now.

I would rather there be a world were the need of foster and adoption was obsolete. I'd gladly live my life childless if that was the price.

I just hope and pray that we are able to be the rock and support these children need...

I just wanted to chime in and give you kudos for opening your home to children in need, especially specifically siblings. I imagine that they are often very worried about being separated, and it's amazing that you're willing to take them in that way.

I don't have any experience with fostering, but as a parent I do have a couple of thoughts that might pass for advice.

Remember that each and every one of them is an individual, so what worked to make one child feel comfortable in your home may not work with another child. Learn to read them and their moods, how to tell when they need space or when they need closeness. Do not ever ever ever say "I know how you feel" unless you have had the EXACT same experience as them, because if they are older they will immediately see through the hypocrisy. Also, even though they've had it rough, don't feel sorry for them and try to skimp on having rules. They've probably not had much stability, and things like chores and regular bedtimes and such will help them in the long run (my opinion). I'm not saying become a psycho child slave laborer, so don't get me wrong. I'm just saying, you know, regular responsibilities like kids are supposed to have! I think that would help them to feel more at ease, by giving them something to do and a way to integrate themselves easier with your family.

Hope that makes sense and helps in some way.

Good luck to you!

Congratulations! You folks are what the world needs. You seem to want to care and make a difference in children's lives. That is awesome!

When I was 16 I was getting into all kinds of trouble. My parents decided to send me to live with some family friends who were foster parents so I could finish school in a better environment. I lived with them and another teenager and it was great. That guy came from a far worse environment and had parents who didn't care about him and gave him up at a young age. As foster parents they straightened that kid out with strict unconditional love. And showed me the same. They treated us the same and did their best to understand who we were as individuals. They always made us feel like we were worth something and had all the potential in the world.
While living with them under strict rules, we turned into A-B students and learned alot about respect and selflessness. I wouldn't trade that part of my life for anything.

Good luck! And remember that it may be hard to get through to some of the kids, but please don't give up on them. Obviously someone has given them up already and that can leave huge scars on anyone.

You asked for advice ... I have none.

All I want to say is . CONGRATS! This is awesome news.
I'm very happy for you and for the children who will be in your care.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and help!!!

I'm off to work now, but I have never been so paranoid about having my phone with me at all times... It will ring soon... and a new chapter in our lives, and the lives of the children, will begin...

reply to post by journey2010


Congratulations! Your family has taken upon itself to perform a wonderful for humanity. I wish you success.

My late wife was a social worker for foster care and I learned a lot about that system and the need for it. Being a natural parent is a demanding, difficult enough job these days. Being a foster parent is harder. I admire your courage to face this challenge of sharing not only your home, but your personal lives so intimately with these unfortunate children. You are very special people to willingly do this humanitarian deed.

I haven't any advice as I'm about to become a first-time parent myself. However, I just wanted to drop in and say congratulations! Don't worry about being perfect - there is perfection in every honest attempt. Like parents who choose adoption, you and yours have hearts like the sky. May those you foster be inspired to one day show the same capacity.

My advice to you would be this (and Iam a child of early foster care/ adoption)... Be the exception to the rule. What I mean by that is,so many kids are shuffled around from one foster home to another,and it can damage them more than the original reason for being there. They will have extreme high and low emotions. Feelings about thier parents will be mixed. Be the solid rock and the security blanket they need. It is not recommended to put down the birth parents to the children,no matter how bad they were,or if social workers permit it. The children internalize this and blame themselves,or figure they will turn out the same. It's a very delicate balance with foster kids...and you may not win all of them over. Just be the one place,the one home,the two people,that they can all say truly made them feel loved and valued,no matter how long you care for them. That is what they need most of all,far beyond shelter,food and clothing. Good luck.

reply to post by journey2010


As a veteran of the foster system myself, remember: as scared and nervous as you might be, they are ten times that! They have no reason to trust you or even want anything to do with you. You have to earn your relationship with them, and that takes time and practice. With that said, I wish you the best of luck in your future familial arrangements.

Just wanted to say how wonderful and exciting this must be for you! To share your home, life and love with children in need is a beautiful thing! HUGS!

Once again.. thank you everyone! We found out that tomorrow, we can meet and bring home a 9 month old. He has suffered some burns to his chest/stomach, but will be released from the hospital into our care...

We will definitely remember all of your advice!

reply to post by journey2010

That is awesome!! Congratulations! Best of luck to you!

reply to post by journey2010

That is awesome!! Congratulations! Best of luck to you!

journey2010
Once again.. thank you everyone! We found out that tomorrow, we can meet and bring home a 9 month old. He has suffered some burns to his chest/stomach, but will be released from the hospital into our care...

We will definitely remember all of your advice!

Best of luck with the baby you bring home! 9 months is a good & fun age! so sad to hear about the burns though. It sounds like he will be in good safe hands with you's. Im not very good with advice giving, i have 3 kids and im still learning everyday how to become a better parent, just do your best you will be fine!

journey2010
Once again.. thank you everyone! We found out that tomorrow, we can meet and bring home a 9 month old. He has suffered some burns to his chest/stomach, but will be released from the hospital into our care...

We will definitely remember all of your advice!

That poor sweet innocent child will be so lucky to have you and your wife in their life!