Are you a psychological rapist?

reply to post by Cathcart


Could it be that women are just more vocal about it?

I am at a point in life that when I see that kind of desperate nonsense heading in my direction it gets laughed off, and I suspect the majority of men do the same. However, dealing with it at ones job may take a bit more involvement than just laughter.

reply to post by boncho

My point was that you view all of this behaviour by men as aggressive and malevolent. When in reality a guy honking his car is probably giving you a complement.

It would really be awesome if you would stop making blanket statements about what I think or how I feel, because if you read what I wrote, you would have seen that I stated specific behaviors out of that list that I personally have issues with. Not "all of this behavior". Maybe honking the horn is a compliment, but when I am walking alone in the middle of the night and someone blares their horn at me without warning, it doesn't feel very complimentary. It scares the hell out of me, startles me, makes my heart pound...and I do NOT like the way that feels. And the person doing it knows it's going to scare someone if they do that.

But to say every guy who aggressively hits on a girl is causing mental anguish, and every girl does not like any sexual attention is absurd.

Once again, you are making blanket statements. I never said anything of the sort. I don't know what you mean by "aggressively" hitting on a girl, but i am talking about lewd and inappropriate behavior...not trying to pick up on someone for a date or something. They don't even try pickup lines or anything of that nature. They are creepers who do this to women every chance they get. It's like a game to them or something. As far as sexual attention, I would actually say that I think most women do like it. If you read what I wrote, once again, I specifically stated that I can only speak for myself and my feelings on the subject. Sexual attention in the context of someone complimenting me or smiling at me is great...we all like to feel flattered and admired sometimes. But the behavior I am talking about is not the kind of sexual attention that I want. Saying extremely sexual things under their breath, following me around, grabbing their crotch, etc...that is not attractive. That is demeaning and inappropriate.

In any case, you don't need a roll of quarters to sock them in the jaw

I don't carry rolls of quarters so I can hit someone for simply looking at me. I carry them because I walk everywhere and if I get jumped whilst walking, I have a way to defend myself. My grandfather taught me that, and I have carried them for years. The guy who grabbed my butt pinched me so hard I had a bruise for three weeks afterward. Not only did he touch me inappropriately, but he hurt me. And he was a complete stranger. So yeah, I jacked him in the jaw. With my fist. And I would do it again. The only regret I have is that I didn't hit him harder.

Like Horowitz from the Big Bang theory, his character may be a bit creepy,
but he's more of a threat to himself than a woman.

reply to post by ketsuko

As a parent and as a someone who was raised, no, I was never taught this was acceptable behavior, but it's in the culture that this is how empowered women behave.

Thank you for clarifying. Maybe it's the area of the country I live in...maybe the values are different. But we don't look at that kind of thing as being empowered at all. Women who are like that are not very well liked around here, and certainly not any kind of model for the status quo. They're more the example you give your daughter of exactly the type of person she should never emulate.

reply to post by Mister_Bit


I didn't make myself afraid, I was attacked, I didst have a victim mentality then, I fought back then, and the fear wouldn't stop me from fighting back now. Fear doesn't make me a victim, it makes me more aware.
I love it though it's not my muggers fault I have fear, it's me being a victim.
what pschobabble rubbish much like the OP.

WilsonWilson
reply to post by Mister_Bit

 

I didn't make myself afraid, I was attacked, I didst have a victim mentality then, I fought back then, and the fear wouldn't stop me from fighting back now. Fear doesn't make me a victim, it makes me more aware.
I love it though it's not my muggers fault I have fear, it's me being a victim.
what pschobabble rubbish much like the OP.

The "You" should not be taken personally in the context of debates such as this. "You" is merely a word for projecting an idea.

However, just because you were atacked, which I am very sorry to hear about, doesn't make me a potential rapist just because I'm a man.

That's what I'm angry about.

Maybe I should've written if "People" walk around afraid, that is not my fault, that is their fault for walking around afraid. And no, Just because people are attacked by CRIMINALS it does NOT nor ever should justify blaming all men for raping.

reply to post by Mister_Bit


I agree with you which is the whole point your dislike of some extreme political thoughts makes you dismiss the actual real fear a woman can have for very legitimate reasons as not you problem and something you don't care about. Instead of being angry at the men who rape, you aim it at the women who fear rape.

Witness2008
reply to post by Cathcart

 

Could it be that women are just more vocal about it?

I am at a point in life that when I see that kind of desperate nonsense heading in my direction it gets laughed off, and I suspect the majority of men do the same. However, dealing with it at ones job may take a bit more involvement than just laughter.

When at work, men my age (50 something) will deliberately let me know (verbally), all the while knowing that I am married, that they either find me attractive or are further interested in getting to know me on a more personal level. I do not consider this a laughing matter, but rather makes me feel uncomfortable, and I question why these married and/or single men want to go there. I am there to work in a professional capacity and never give anyone reason to believe otherwise. They say "you look really good today" or "why so serious?" - which is a strange question to ask someone in a professional work environment. Why would he consider me serious rather than professional?

In a nutshell, women or men know when someone is interested in them and the person checking out if "the water is fine" knows in short order whether he/she can go swimming in those waters or not. Then the psychology of 'rejection' rears it's ugly head, but that is another thread.

Some of you work in very sexually charged offices, my workplace is very tame, but we work on the phones no time for all this sexual harassment.

WilsonWilson
reply to post by Mister_Bit

 

I agree with you which is the whole point your dislike of some extreme political thoughts makes you dismiss the actual real fear a woman can have for very legitimate reasons as not you problem and something you don't care about. Instead of being angry at the men who rape, you aim it at the women who fear rape.

edit on 2-3-2014 by WilsonWilson because: (no reason given)

No again, I don't aim it at the women who fear rape.. That is totally understandable.

I aim it at the women who point a finger at me and shout rapist because I am a man and nothing more.

Fear the criminal, fear the rapist (these people are for the most part mentally ill) But please, don't fear men.

Sometimes I think we go way too deep down rabbit hole of political correctness. What starts off as a good thing tends to never end at a point we all would think is a logical place to draw the line and so we get more and more "correct" to the point that anything a person does can be considered offensive.

Unfortunately most of this "sexual correctness" only applies to the male side, where women can jump back and forth across the line to what ever whim they happen to have at the time. For males we are stuck with the question "have you ever shyly looked at a woman?" and then once we say yes we are now a physiological rapist....

reply to post by Mister_Bit


How many times has a woman pointed at you and shouted rapist?
most women don't fear men. they're not terrified all day by the men around them.
but late a night, walking alone and some guy is walking behind you, that's the right time to have a little fear,.to be aware of what people around you are doing.

reply to post by Xtrozero


I don't think that it's because of some feminist agenda, itcs purely that historically women have been the abused. The same protection apply to men, and as society and men themselves start to utilise the laws against women aggressors it will equalize.

reply to post by tigertatzen


madam, you and i are in agreement on that.

the only solution i see is to exercise individual action. Be the change you want to see in the world. I have never associated with people who would degrade themselves or another with catcalling. So it is behavior that is totally beyond me.

As it regards the OP, i get the equation being made. Catcalls are purely an alpha behavior. It has the same type of intended meaning as the more racial things I described earlier. It may not be meant to directly intimidate, but it is an analog to intimidation tactics. BUt using terms like "psychological rape" is only going to hurt their cause, as it will be a huge "turn off" to folks like myself who are absolutely fed up with misandry, and with the politically correct world we have come to live in. The spirit of the concept is good, but the words used to describe it seem to come from "that crowd".

While I support womens rights (and would lay my life down in that support), i detest feminism. I am a humanist. Feminism works against humanism.

reply to post by InTheLight

When at work, men my age (50 something) will deliberately let me know (verbally), all the while knowing that I am married, that they either find me attractive or are further interested in getting to know me on a more personal level. I do not consider this a laughing matter, but rather makes me feel uncomfortable, and I question why these married and/or single men want to go there. I am there to work in a professional capacity and never give anyone reason to believe otherwise.

I certainly understand that, and stated so in my post.

I am your age. I have been fired for not putting out, I have been physically assaulted, discriminated against, stalked, and I still receive unwanted attention in public. The attention has changed along with my age, and, at times, I have felt flattered considering the politeness that had come with the attention. I have not become jaded, I have become a realist. I see it for what it is....insecure desperation. There truly is something wrong or missing in a person that feels the need to overpower another in any manner. It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them.

Work environments are a whole other beast. It really has not been so long since laws were drafted to ensure that one would not loose their job due to being the recipient of sexual harassment. Men and women should join forces on this one, as I believe that men are having to deal with what was once upon a time exclusive to women.

Witness2008
reply to post by InTheLight

 

When at work, men my age (50 something) will deliberately let me know (verbally), all the while knowing that I am married, that they either find me attractive or are further interested in getting to know me on a more personal level. I do not consider this a laughing matter, but rather makes me feel uncomfortable, and I question why these married and/or single men want to go there. I am there to work in a professional capacity and never give anyone reason to believe otherwise.

I see it for what it is....insecure desperation. There truly is something wrong or missing in a person that feels the need to overpower another in any manner. It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them.

Therein is my argument in a nutshell....

A rapist is NOT a man, a rapist has something wrong with them, it is an individual failing, not a gender related issue.

I am no more likely to rape someone as my cat, and I resent the fact that now, society seems to be feeding the idea that just because I am male, I am predisposed to rape someone.

What I find keeps coming up, and I`m having trouble articulating it, is that woman have a vast number of roles (and role models) that seem to be entirely contradictory. We are given images of Disney princesses, who when I was growing up were weak, demure, soft-spoken (not always), and primarily victims in one way or another. I.E. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Ariel, Snow White. On the flip side of that we were told to grow in to strong and self-confident women. (Xena or Buffy, but those examples have serious side issues)

What I find has come out of being told who we are supposed to be to be `good quality women` is a cognitive dissonance that happens when you know you`ve been fed contradictory information. No matter what choices women make, they will eventually be told by someone that it was the wrong choice. Examples:

Dress differently and you won`t be a target of rape ---- you should dress more feminine
You need to learn how to defend yourself so you don`t have to be afraid ---- you obviously have a fear and aggression problem
Behave like a professional to be treated professionally ---- Smile sweet heart, why are you so serious.

Rape will stop when people stop raping, both men and women. It is unfair to say that women are the only victims, but I feel that it happens to women more than men. I think women have trouble with it because in some way or another it will be our fault so we tend to say nothing, or smile sweetly when really we are incredibly uncomfortable and that`s not okay.

reply to post by Mister_Bit


You get a lot of weird stuff talked about on the net. I see no overall feeding of the all men are rapists idea in normal life.

Witness2008
Could it be that women are just more vocal about it?

Hell no! Male victims are extremely vocal. Did you take a look at websites on female-to-male sexual abuse? They have to be vocal about it, sometimes at the risk of being obnoxious, because otherwise they become invisible. There is a major cultural bias on this issue (such as this trope here) and it is deliberately suppressed in the MSM.

I'm certainly not laughing.

redhorse

"Hey baby come sit on my face" is worthy of ridicule, but if you want to defend crap like that as part of "men's culture" then to each their own I suppose; by that same token I'll keep my contempt for men who consider behavior like that as something they are entitled to be allowed to do. Those are not men I want any where near me or my daughter.

If you have ever met a man that has successfully used that line without hemorrhaging cash and knocking on deaths door and was not the POTUS... He was probably the most interesting man in the world.

Women are not that stupid. Maybe it's just me.

That is the reason why men rape. I know it is a touchy subject. Men rape because they are stupid and usually can't successfully woo a woman proper.

Unbelievably or not, there is not enough love or tolerance.

Some guys find religion or other things to fill the void of not being able to figure out a woman.
I've seen the meme... It says that women understand each other... That's why they hate each other.