5 myths about polyamory debunked

reply to post by Phoenix267

Love is free and its all love, and there is no difference between sex and love but what you make of it. I know what a swinger is, and what this whole free love thing is. Its merely the logical progression of the swinger lifestyle as it can not be maintained to any large degree. If you ask anybody who has sex and sleeps around with lots of people they will tell you that there merely have an open relationship and that its all love.

So what your saying is that you would want to have a relationship, but would want it to be open to sleep around with different people, you want the two to be separate sex and love that way you will always have a home to roost back to. In which case most swingers are people who are in relationships who sleep around with different people and they also have someone to go back to after that, its merely the newest iteration and label of something which has been going on for ages. In effect no matter what you call it would be the same thing as the same actions take place, in which case were talking semantics and labels. And yes love is free, always was, always has been. What makes you think it ever was anything but that?

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


I would have to respectfully disagree. It seems you're not picturing what I'm wanting in polyamory and how polyamory works. As I mentioned before if I just wanted sex then relationships would be pointless. It's like I wanted a lot of children and decided to just have sex with random women hoping they would get pregnant. Which is stupid because if they do get pregnant then I would have to pay child support and have a lot of drama.

I don't want just sex and become a sperm donor. I would like a close family with more then one woman. Because I feel it's what I want in a relationship. Sex is always a part of every relationship. But to me it's not just sex or having an open relationship where I'm not respectful to my partner. I would like that we can be a team that will be consider a family.

I understand constrictive criticism against the relationship because it's confusing because it involves having what regular couples have but with more people involved.There is still a lot I need to research. Sorry if I'm a butt munch to you and anyone else. But I'm very passionate. Hopefully this makes sense.

reply to post by Phoenix267

Ok! yet the same applies no matter what gender or who you are. And if you want to talk pros and cons by all means go ahead and do so. Just be warned that in the end the only one your trying to convince is yourself, it is a fallacy of communication and thought of the mind itself that there is more going on in any conversation.

Oh and I to am not really a man, I am an interdenominational space panda from another universe, lets call this universe pandamonium. I have travel countless light years and dimensions to come to this planet with the sole purpose and goal in mind of stealing and consuming all your delicious bamboos.

But by all means forget the above. Do carry on> You know pros, cons and all of that.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Of course I'm trying to convince myself. After all we're all human. Well you're an alien panda. But I'm just trying to understand it better and like all people my emotions and my reason are mixing up. Don't get me wrong. I can see myself in a polyamory type of relationship. But I have to understand the down to earth reality of any relationship.

reply to post by Phoenix267

So what your saying is you would like to be a Mormon or Muslim. Now if you want to have lots of wife's and kids I think that already you know exists, its called polygamy or you can call it polyamory last i checked not the big a difference between them. I don't know ultimately it would depend on the women you get with, and what they all think of this. In either case it all already exists under various names of which various people male and female are practicing it as we speak. So what is the problem? To say that you need to do more research on this is an understatement.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


No, polygamy is relating to marriage. I'm more into polyamory and partnerships. Yes there are similarities but there also differences between them. I would have to respectfully disagree with you about the definitions of the words and how they relate to people.

I guess, since I believe very much in personal freedom, I wouldn't say that polyamory should be illegal and perhaps people who participate in it should be...either respected for the choice or at least it should be tolerated. Understand, I like most everyone (it's my nature) but I don't always agree with people's choices lol

My personal view: throughout human evolution, humans have mated. If we ran around on each other and the bond between man and woman (both singular) did not hold up, then we never would have survived. Man would work hard and risk his life to provide while woman would stay home and manage their gathered resources and look after their young. This was an important bond, even from a spiritually-removed, scientific perspective, as it allowed families to be raised to survive the challenges so that we could evolve into what we are today (and we still have much evolving to do!)

Of course, times change. It became common through much of the world (and still is in many places) for children to be picked for arranged marriages. Such couples would be matched by whatever points their parents felt important (good genes, money, social standing, connections, etc.) From the ideals of Chivalry, poets (Romantics) dreamed of an idea called True Love, and in ballads and folk tales honorable knights would have elicit affairs with other women. The idea of True Love was born: choosing the partner you desired, not the one you were assigned. So you see, we evolved from: A. Mating with 'whoever' and through pregnancy being forced to couple to survive at puberty to: B. A comparatively civilized system of arranged marriage, to: C. The concept of True Love (marriage by choice.) One might argue that polyamory may be the next step, but I'll disagree with for reasons below.

I am a Romantic and so, for me, polyamory would never work. I am the loyal, honorable type who enjoys a sacred bond to a special lady and I feel a great comfort in that private union between two souls. I can see the obvious appeal of polyamory from a certain level, but just because one desires to smash a rival's window or smack a loudmouth in the face doesn't mean that it's a good idea to carry it out. You might find yourself regretting it. We as human beings are complex creatures with many different parts (or "millions of voices," some might say) and you must learn which to listen to and which to ignore. “Stupid mistakes” have ruined good marriages, business partnerships, friendships, you name it. When trust and secrecy are betrayed, there are usually consequences.

Through the evolution of animal mating to arranged marriage to True Love, one thing has remained: coupling. We naturally couple. It is what human beings do, sexually. Some will always deviate from the norm and always have, but this doesn't change what is normal and healthy for most people.

I realized recently that it is in our human nature to explore, accomplish or serve some sense of greater purpose. When we don’t, the passion in the heart turns to an empty void and the person feels “hollow” inside. What follows is usually either depression and/or self-absorption, indulgence, slothfulness. I have been guilty of either when I have “lost my way” as an inspired artist, sometimes overeating on ‘comfort food’ or watching way too many movies day and night. For others, it’s sex. But it’s an attempt to fill that void with something that makes you feel happy. This is merely treating the symptom, not the problem.

We must feel a genuine, heart-felt obligation to something; be it a cause, a role or even a job, or passion dissipates into emptiness. When we have it, we are so inspired and can accomplish great things. When we don’t, we forget ourselves and indulge thoughtlessly.

Bear in mind, this is my view as a Romantic. I believe in rights and freedoms and if three people enjoy their triangle, who am I to judge or interfere? I do have my opinions however and they go beyond what is right for those involved. What about children? Children have always needed parents. And of course, sometimes a parent dies and one manages alone, or a child is raised by multiple parents and turns out fine. But this is not always the case, as it normal for a child to have father figure and a mother figure to look up to and to learn from, as well as to learn about how a relationship (between man and woman) functions.

Personally, I see polyamory as a further loss of our real human structure: the family. This “home” has existed throughout our evolution as human beings and I see dire consequences if polyamory should become the norm.

Clearly for some, ‘love’ is merely a relationship (companionship and sex.) They never seemed to discover the True Love that poetic hearts understood. This is up to them to discover though and I’m honestly not interested in judgment here. We all have our shortcomings, eccentricities, etc. I just can’t agree that it’s a good idea, all things considered.

reply to post by LoneCloudHopper2


A very thoughtful reply. I only understand so much about human sexually and relationships. There has been many articles that I read that monogamy is not natural in humanity and relationships like polyamory are because of our ancestors.

However, this is easy said then done as the concepts of love and relationships are changing all the time. Look at marriage. How interracial couples used to be denied marriage and the same rights; now gay couples are feeling the same and looking to make their dreams a reality.

I feel a polyamorist family can work if they strive to make it work. I understand you're a romantic as you mentioned. But I'm not that type of person. Don't get me wrong I can flirt and fall in love with someone. But I do not believe in a soul mate. Also I mentioned earlier about my history with seeing couples that just didn't work for all kinds of reason. This doesn't mean all monogamy couples are doomed to fell; I'm just interested in polyamory more.

I would have to look up the links about human sexually and relationships. Then post what I find. This is an interesting topic.

Hey everyone. I was browsing online when I came across numerous websites offering loads of information about polyamory. This helps pain a clearer picture for anyone wanting to understand about polyamory.

Dos and Don'ts for Happy Polyamorous Relationships
Polyamory: What Is Legal, Ethical And Comfortable?
Wiki
Monogamy may sound sweet, but why it evolved isn't
New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for You
What are the pros and cons of Polyamory?
Polyamory: Pros and Cons
Polyamory about
Polyamory is it for you?

These are the links I found interesting and I thought would be good sharing. As well to these I have 5 books about polyamory, polygamy, and open relationships. There are many similarities and differences. I hope I can paint a clearer picture soon.

Here is another website I was linked and it looks promising.
More than two

reply to post by tothetenthpower

But I have the option if the opportunity and circumstances arise. Simply having that freedom, has created a lot of mental stability.

Excellent, that's a very important point, I think!

I am a romantic, straight and happily married male. We define our marriage as open/poly. Funny thing is we are both creative type introverts. We both need lots of "me time" and being with groups of people tends to "drain our batteries". So it is actually very seldom that we include other persons in our sexual/romantic lives. But it feels sooo liberating to be able to do it when "opportunity and circumstances arise".

One thing I would find a bit daunting if we were to indulge more often is this kind of planning:

Google Calendar Is the 'Killer App' for Polyamorous Couples

Sounds like way too much stress to me.

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by Night Star

 

I just keep thinking where would my self esteem be if my partner needed someone else besides me?

See that's where my relationship works for me.

I'm a classic bisexual. I'm married to man, but I also very much enjoy the company of women.

Now my husband, simply can't, physically help me with those issues. So that's why we have the relationship we do. Now that doesn't mean I just go out and find women to sleep with every week or month, or even every year.

But I have the option if the opportunity and circumstances arise. Simply having that freedom, has created a lot of mental stability.

~Tenth

wow tenth...am pleasently surprised by your comments on this thread.

Also...I just realized...you're a woman

If everyone is ok with it then by all means, do what ya want. I'd just be careful that egos and jealousy don't work their way in. Oh and so long as it is just as ok for the partners to be with other people as it is for you..

STD's can become an issue when "sex is not made an issue".

Has anyone seen the movie "Chasing Amy"? Remember how Holden wants a 3-way?

Now, I'm going to get a lot of flack for this next part, I apologize in advance as I do not intend to offend anyone:

I'm convinced that people that have these "open" type relationships have some kind of emotional dysfunction, in where they feel as if they are emotionally close to someone, but actually aren't. They've always been this way, they don't know anything different.

I'm convinced that these types do not, have not, and will not ever understand or feel as emotionally close as a "traditional" relationship.

The whole thing is pretty funny. Just the way people will try to dress up the idea of sleeping around.

I am just shocked by all of this! I mean completely and utterly shocked and amazed Polyamory indeed!




...uh where do I sign up?

Oh wait I am a jealous, needy type I need to go re-think this...

reply to post by Superhans


I would have to respectfully disagree with you. There is no way people are using fancy words to just sleep around with random people.

reply to post by MystikMushroom


That's interesting. Maybe it's where I come from and how even "traditional" relationships were nothing meaningful. I sound like a broken record, but it seems everyone stabbed each other behind the back and just didn't prove themselves to be a good partner. Drugs and other bad habits being the main cause. Mixing drugs and bad habits in any relationship is a recipe for disaster.

reply to post by Phoenix267


I didn't say random people, its people you want to have sex with. Its cool, its sleeping around- you can call it whatever you want but that is really all that it is.

Originally posted by MarioOnTheFly

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by Night Star

 

I just keep thinking where would my self esteem be if my partner needed someone else besides me?

See that's where my relationship works for me.

I'm a classic bisexual. I'm married to man, but I also very much enjoy the company of women.

Now my husband, simply can't, physically help me with those issues. So that's why we have the relationship we do. Now that doesn't mean I just go out and find women to sleep with every week or month, or even every year.

But I have the option if the opportunity and circumstances arise. Simply having that freedom, has created a lot of mental stability.

~Tenth

wow tenth...am pleasently surprised by your comments on this thread.

Also...I just realized...you're a woman

Yeah Tenth pulled that one on me awhile back to. It is hard to gender neutralize with Avatars! I mean who would know from looking at mine that I am a 40 something genetically altered hyper-intelligent typing canine!

WOOF!

reply to post by Superhans


That's what I meant though. Sorry for not explaining it to the best of my ability. What I meant to say it's more then sleeping around and having sex. I understand relationships like polyamory is confusing because there are so many that are similar and different at the same time.