Are you a step parent?

I have to say that i have the same thing here at my house. Recently started dating a woman that has 2 kids. 9 year old boy and 6 year old girl. I havent had those words uttered yet but I am dreading them. I treat him as a friend and a Father figure. HE knowns that when i say something it is the same as his mother saying it. and what she says i back up 100%. and they know that. His father is the same as you described. Constantly cheated on her, never has a job more than a few months, using drugs. Kids are a novelty to him and a way of getting revenge on her. we never talk bad about him but he has about us. me in particular. I have known him for a while and we dont see eye to eye. but in my favor he is scared to death of me so he doesnt do anything foolish. Used to stalk my GF until we got together. All of that has stopped now. As far as the kids go, I try to show them more to life and how to live. We garden and i do woodwork which the boy absolutely loves. So far I dont have any problems. I dont whip him, thats his mothers job, (and for those who are ready to flame that, dont bother. i dont care how you feel about it) my job is to enforce the punishments. Whipping does not work on him but grounding and taking away toys and freedom does wonders. All i can say is we (myself and you OP) can just take it a day at a time and if that day comes hope we are ready for it!

reply to post by Talltexxxan


Well yeah, it may seem totally absurd to you but yeah...that's exactly what you should do. I have been a step-parent for 9 years now and a father of my own children for 6. My stepdaughter's father has joint custody as well.

My experience tells me you should be there for the kid when the kid needs you. My experience tells me you should let the kids natural parents parent the kid. My experience tells me you should let the natural parents of the child be the parents. You should be the guy the kid comes to when there is a disagreement with mom/dad and be a role model...help the kid understand the importance of relationships and respect. Help the kid understand they do not know everything and that you will always be there for them.

The bio dad may be trash in your eyes but that will always be "daddy" to the child and I doubt you will ever compete with that when you are trying to throw your weight around. It is a moot point.

Support your wife but follow her lead. Let her decide on how to handle the questions you fear the most.She knows better than you do. Afterall, she is the kids mom. Besides, it could save you much trouble in the future when the kid is a teen and is thinking of all the reasons they would rather live with dad and dad alone because they hate you because you were "strict" when they were 4.

reply to post by Rising Against


The kid is 4 yrs old and I honestly do not think this man has any right to discelpline this kid. This child has a natural parent in the home and is in a joint-custody agreement with the child's father. In this case, the discipline should be the burden of the natural parents. I believe the OP should take a hands-off approach, which is biased from my own personal experiences, when he feels he is "needed" to handle a situation. The OP should support and respect the decisions that the mom makes when she decides to make when it come to HER KID!