The Planet of the Dogs.

When the army looked for volunteers to test a new kind of eye-drop, Billy signed the forms.
Now he found himself strapped to a futuristic silver machine, but he was already tranquilized.
He heard himself say: "Are you sure this is safe Sarge?"
Then everything turned black.

When he awoke, Billy saw a white coat of a doctor, and he felt relieved, and touched it for comfort.
Then he heard a high-pitched woman's voice: "Eew, it touched me, I better wash my paws and have my coat washed after this mangy thing touched me."
Billy looked up, and saw the face of a Dachshund staring down at him in disgust.
"Oh my hat, somebody call human control", said an even higher pitched voice.
Billy saw a wooly white paw holding an injection, as he looked into the visage of a ... poodle!
His body lay paralyzed, as his mind tried to make sense of it all.

Suddenly Billy heard a rough man's voice.
His forehead was refreshingly wet, as saliva dripped on it.
Above him stood a wide-jawed Doberman, and behind him a German Shepard.
Their faces looked like regular dogs, but they stood on two legs, like humans.
They also wore clothing, and Billy could make out two nurses and two cops.

The Doberman panted, and growled: "What shall we do with him nurse?"
The Dachshund pinched her nose, and replied: "Take it to the human kennels, or the forests. It stinks! I do not want to give that disgusting human a bath! He's probably got lice."
The German Shepard glibly interrupted, "Nurse, don't you think you should sterilize him first, you know how these humans breed."
The poodle nurse put her manicured paw over the furry hand of the officer.
She sniffed his shoulder, and grinned: "Officer, can I have your number? I'm almost in heat".

Just then a wheelchair approached through the door.
As it came closer, Billy could make out the head of a Beagle - old, and wizened.
It was not a wheelchair, but some kind of contraption that allowed the old Beagle to remain upright, thus he could wave his arms and paws, while his hind-legs were replaced by wheels.

Billy could see the Beagle transfixing his eyes, almost like he had read his very soul.
"This one is different, he comes from the past ..."
Everybody gasped and stuck out their tongues; panting nervously.
"The Rottweiler Division will debrief you all soon ... just keep your traps shut and you'll all be fine."
The Dachshund looked down loyally at Billy: "But what about him?"
The German Shepard scoffed, "I'd never take that one home, he looks retarded."
The Beagle stopped panting for a moment, and added "He's pedigree, and he'll probably go to a human stud-farm."
The Doberman took a hoof out of his pocket and started chewing on it.
Everybody looked down sadly upon Billy.
Things were becoming blurry as a muzzle was pulled over his head.

Billy awoke as nubile human women stroked his hair.
He realized that he was in a cage with three or four of them.
The Beagle looked at him from behind the bars, and said: "Make sure he he stays here until he impregnates them all - oh, and if they get a cramp just throw a bucket of water over them."
Billy ran to the bars and shouted: "No, I'm gay, I'm gay ... I'm GAY!"
The Dachshund nurse threw him a cookie, and laughed: "He's so happy here, look how he's barking."
"Totally, he's just like my boyfriend", the poodle giggled.

Billy awoke, as a wetness touched his face.
It was the Sarge and his German Shepard who had come to visit him in hospital, after the eye-drops were approved by the FDA in very small amounts for curing bacon.
Later men who were at that experiment would tell him: "Billy, you and I both know that you disappeared from that silver machine when it started spinning for at least six hours. One moment you were there strapped to this piece of evil junk, and then you were gone. Then you came back screaming that you were gay. What really happened to you?"

Billy never said nothing, and eventually he got a nice retrenchment package.
He convinced himself that it had all just been a dream, and he even got himself two dogs for his yard by the woods - a Dachshund and an Alsatian.

But one day his doorbell rang, and there stood a lady holding up a packet on his porch, and smiled: "Sir, would you like to hear how our formula of dog-food increases your pet's brain power, and how it it grows braincells for dogs, hounds and pooches?"
The neighbors said that they never heard a door bang shut so loudly.

Woof woof to science fiction!
I mean what's this big deal about apes when most people have nothing to do with them?

I'd have thought perhaps that if dogs ever come to rule the planet, a more robust breed like the Pit-bulls might rule, although might is not right when every smaller breed gangs up on larger individuals.

This is genius. Should have dozens of stars. Kinda Monty Python meets Animal Farm, with a bit of doggy style sex.

I like this bit in particular-

Originally posted by halfoldman
"Make sure he he stays here until he impregnates them all - oh, and if they get a cramp just throw a bucket of water over them."
Billy ran to the bars and shouted: "No, I'm gay, I'm gay ... I'm GAY!"
The Dachshund nurse threw him a cookie, and laughed: "He's so happy here, look how he's barking."

More please.

Not bad Kiddo

reply to post by halfoldman

This reminds me of a short story I read in a book named A Science Fiction Argosy edited by Damon Knight. The story is named Consider Her Ways by John Wyndham. It follows a lady who is sedated with a drug and she wakes up to find herself in a future dominated by woman living in a society modeled after bees! She does find her way back, but I won't ruin it if somebody by chance ever plans to read it themselves. It's not particularly a great story, but it does remind me of this.

I googled it and found this:
en.wikipedia.org...

I marvel at the power of google every day.

reply to post by halfoldman


Pitbulls would rule, methinks.

Thanks everybody for letting me know you liked the story!
It means a lot, and I had already resigned myself to the idea that it would remain unread.

When I first read jonnywhite's post, I was concerned that I had somehow inadvertently committed plagiarism.
However, looking at the John Wyndham novella in the link there's a similar plot device for time travel, and a focus on reproduction and sexuality, but nothing really copied.
Those themes have been common since 1956, although the author looks very groundbreaking and worth reading, so thanks for pointing him out.

Perhaps this is a latter reworking and response to some of the issues raised by Wyndham.
It's almost like Wyndham challenged gender notions around women's reproductive rights in the 1950s with science fiction, and here we have a current focus on male reproductive rights through a (not necessarily open) gay character. Billy's sexuality isn't really crucial, the point is that he's shouting to get out of the situation, and he's ignored. Nevertheless, I feel that had I written him as a hot-blooded straight soldier then the kennel episode would have amounted to porn, rather than social critique.
I haven't read Wyndham's novella yet, so this comparison is what I gather from the Wikipedia link.
Suffice to say that the postmodern admits there's nothing entirely new in culture, and its all about recombining things to make a new tapestry of meaning.

In my story it's not clear whether a chemical "eye drop" or the "silver machine" actually led to the time travel, or some combination of the two.
It could be that Billy was told he'd be testing some new chemical or eye drops as a pretext to get him to volunteer, and he never signed up for the "silver machine".
Maybe the authorities tested both, and killed two birds with one stone?
Nevertheless, my story has a real time machine, which Billy never signed up for.
It's up to the reader to decide if Billy was intentionally manipulated, or whether a chemical and mechanical collision of effects caused unintended and accidental results.

In hindsight, for myself there's a hint in the story in that the FDA approved the "eye drops" for a totally different purpose (curing bacon), which suggests that the military-industrial complex knew what they were doing, and simply used the eye drops as a cover to test the machine.
So in that sense it's different from Wyndham's plot.

Not that Billy questioned it consciously.
In that sense he's a bit like Forrest Gump (from the movie), a well meaning guy who doesn't question too much and minds his own business - even as the advanced dog food threatens the human domination of the planet.
He'd rather just bang the door shut.
Is it a wise choice?

For Billy as an individual it arguably is the best choice.
He tasted what authoritarian power can do, and he'd rather live out his life in comfort, because the other options would see him killed or declared insane.
Like the dogs faced with the fascist "Rottweiler Division", he keeps his trap shut (and metaphorically also his door).

At the end, perhaps he's just learnt to avoid civilization and its inherent power structures and ultimately suicidal cycles, whether structured by humans or dogs, and he prefers the woods as far as possible.

At first it was just a satire on the The Planet of the Apes films, and one more conscious cultural influence was the title and some lyrics from a song I had just heard before writing the story:
Hawkwind - Silver Machine (1972):



I actually still find the story very funny, and I hope that some of these deeper questions didn't ruin that aspect.