Moving on....

In my experience, don't waste four years of your life waiting for them to come back. My ex and I mess around with each other "in between" the others. Big mistake... but it's hard to find someone special to fill that certain spot.

Hey Tomfromoz,

I just wanted to say that I know what you're going through to some extent. In my case, it happened the day after my Senior prom - I left the night before with a friend, and with the full moon shining in the back window, her favorite song playing on the radio, I guess we both fell into the typical romantic spirit. Anyway, when she said she only kissed me because her ex was in the back seat with us, that pretty much shattered my heart (still don't think she ever knew how deep a wound she left throbbing there).

Anyway, at first, I went through a phase where I felt that there was no-one else for me; and that there was a chance we still might be a pair. All that belief did was increase the heartache, because we both argued over it (lesson learned, never date dating in HS seriously, as most people can't make up their minds).

I also tried to pretend it never happened - I stopped listening to that song she liked, mentally tried to erase my memory of being kissed that night. Unfortunately, just the act of doing that started to leech into the relationships I had with other people - I felt like I'd never love another person again, and I was starting to be viewed as a "sad, depressed, or emotional" guy.

I struggled with all of this for two years, until I realized that it's better to accept that it happened. Like others have said, acknowledge that you were with this person, and managed to bring two lives into this world. Don't dwell on how you both broke away, but remember the fun you both used to have. I know you don't believe it now, but it's not the end of the world - they say for every missed opportunity, 15 more will take it's place. It won't be an overnight change, either: I struggled for two years, and finally got back into speaking to this person..Don't make the mistake I did, and try to cover up the truth - embrace it, and the healing will come.

-fossilera

PS: Sorry for the long-ish read - personal stories always get to me.

thread appropriate song

reply to post by TOMFROMOZ


I am now with you in the same boat. I have been there a few times sadly. Just stay busy, going to a gym or just working out at home helps a lot. It gets your libido aka Mojo back up lol. The right one will come along when you least expect it and even if she is the right one for you she is not now, currently. If she loves you she will come back in due time, if not oh well.

Don't go out of your way to make anyone happy but yourself right now. Set goals and blow them out of the water!!!

Keep your head up high cause I will be trying like hell to do the same.

The old adage "time heals all wounds" seems useless in my case as there is significant time between the day she left and today but my feelings grow.

It's not time, really...but the fact that moving on with your life, finding new interests, new friends, new activities, etc. THAT is what really helps...time is just the byproduct that comes with those things....

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. It's OVER. Accept it. Move on. As with many folks, you'll no doubt love many people in your lifetime. And, you'll probably have more breakups. Such is life. Thing is, you'll learn from each of them...and eventually, you'll look back on them, and wonder, "Man, was I insane then"....etc. You'll also remember the good times with each, and appreciate them, without dwelling on the bad or the end result.

In that case, time does SEEM to heal all wounds, but really, as I mentioned, it's LIVING that does it... Time is just along for the ride.