Parents of Older Kids

My oldest son is 19, and he moved away last month. I have seen him once in that time, and barely on the phone or Facebook. Before he moved, we spoke all the time, and visited weekly. I am so sad! I miss him a lot. I know he is just growing up and spreading his wings, but I like spending time with my son, he is a wonderful person inside. And, I miss him.

For parents of older kids, please offer some advice in general, for any readers of this thread, myself included, on how to deal with these feelings. And parents of younger kids, one day, this might be you!

reply to post by hotbakedtater


Well, my 18 year old is at college and I'm facing the same situation..

He has a new life and is finding his feet, but I remember the first time I got my own place at his age (tho working rather than college) and all the new freedoms life brought left me no time or space and it took me quite a while to start balancing out my life and my priorities etc.

In the meanwhile it must have felt like I'd shut my parents out, which was not true... I just could not see the wood for trees at that point, to many new things to experience, and not enough hours in each day

This is what I assume my son is going through as he creates his own space on this beautiful planet

And to be honest, without forcing or nagging him, I can only hope that he'll find his feet and balance sooner rather than later, but I know it'll happen in time, as it will happen for you and yours

It's blooming hard tho, and as corny as it to say... Chin up, I'm sure it'll get better

reply to post by hotbakedtater

please offer some advice in general

Advice? Be proud!

It's great that your son is finding his feet, especially at 19 years of age! I wouldn't take it personally about the lack of communication/contact, it's definitely not going to be anything towards you; he's probably a little over whelmed and at the same time excited about his new found sense of freedom.

You can still be close to your son, organise going for coffee or shopping in the week for example, remember he's only ever a phone call away.

Well my son has a lot of his mother in him, the phone thing especially. I call him but he forgets to charge the phone, or loses it!

And I am proud of him, I just miss him.

Originally posted by Death_Kron
reply to post by hotbakedtater

 

please offer some advice in general

Advice? Be proud!

It's great that your son is finding his feet, especially at 19 years of age! I wouldn't take it personally about the lack of communication/contact, it's definitely not going to be anything towards you; he's probably a little over whelmed and at the same time excited about his new found sense of freedom.

You can still be close to your son, organise going for coffee or shopping in the week for example, remember he's only ever a phone call away.

Hi,

Mine is 16 and a teen-girly-monster. I kind of put my life on hold to raise her as a single Dad, so I got to do all the things most Dad's miss out on, including 6 years working in the school tuckshop...where they buy food to eat for lunches... , classroom activites and excursions, etc.

Soon mine will be gone on her way, pushing too hard to be older and live older. When she goes I know it is time for me to focus on what I want to do with the rest of this life.. and then go out in the world again and do it.

Despite getting a lot older in the past 16 years.. I'm 50 now... I know there is a lot of life for me to enjoy, there are things I want to do and places I want to see in the time I have. I don't want to be settled in one place living a suburban lifestyle or even country retirement lifestyle.. I want to get out and Taste what life around the world has to offer these days.

reply to post by hotbakedtater


No offence but you sound slightly clingy, it's fine missing him but like I said he's always at the end of the phone or you could simply go round and visit. Let him enjoy his freedom, in time he'll most likely come around and speak to you more; most likely explanation is he's just enjoying figuring out life for himself.

The last thing on his mind will be his mum!

I've got a 20year old that moved out when he was 18 - joined the Army. He spent 16 months in Iraq during which time I heard from him...probably about three times, maybe four.
Now he is stationed on the opposite corner of the US, and I talk to him about once a month - maybe twice if I'm lucky. It used to bother me a lot when he was gone, because I did miss him. He was by my side or at least around most of the time as he went to work with me. Right now they're doing their thing - just getting started out on their own, preparing for their life ahead of them. We as parents aren't much thought of during that time, as we are what they are getting away from. Once they get situated and get their proverbial "sea legs" under them, then they'll have time to think about us and perhaps even call.
Once response said that you should be proud - you SHOULD! If they are 18-20 and can make it on their own, that's an accomplishment worthy of praise, and I congratulate you on your parenting skills.
As much as we might want to we can't hold on to them, they grow up. It was quite a contrast knowing that the little tow-headed boy I used to chase around in circles in the yard was sitting in an armored tank in a desert thousands of miles away surrounded by armed people who wished he wasn't there.
Pat yourself on the back. Good job. Take a little break before you're hit with the onslaught of grandkids.

I had a boy once (long story). I havent' seem him in 8 years since he was 14. Hes' either living in South Carolina or Maine right now. His mama says he aint' mine (but she always lies). I miss him, but thats' her problem

reply to post by hotbakedtater


Well,my "child" is nearly 36 years old.
I remember when she moved out.
I came home from work and found no one
home.My bird was dead on the bottom of
his cage.I walked upstairs and opened her
bedroom door...the room was empty!
She never told me she was moving out,she
moved out while I was at work.
I looked around the empty room and started to
cry.The next day,I painted her room.

I like that!

Strenghth in moving along.reply to post by mamabeth

reply to post by hotbakedtater


Best thing to do is never have kids like me.

That way you do not have that problem, and you have alot less problems. I will never bring someone into this world.

Why do you people do these things i will never understand.

Im sorry you feel that way, andy, but I understand we all have to live our lives in the way we see fit. I am sure I would have less grey hairs had I refrained from procreating.

Originally posted by andy1033
reply to post by hotbakedtater

 

Best thing to do is never have kids like me.

That way you do not have that problem, and you have alot less problems. I will never bring someone into this world.

Why do you people do these things i will never understand.