!! BEAVERS OVER HERE !!

This fits neatly between Science And Technology, Mythical Creatures and Government Stupidity, so if it ends up in chit Chat that's cool.


Dam Funny!
You gotta love the Government!

This is an actual letter sent by the Michigan
Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.


SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel
of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow
condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,
2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,


David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division



** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

I am the legal landowner but not the contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation-so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof
that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers-but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003?

The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.

THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

Who doesn't love beavers?

I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. -

Dam straight!

...I must say was a good post MA,I always enjoy seing people stick up for themselves and defend the defenseless simultaneously.Hopefully he was not still held to cleaning up that dam mess anyway,being the property owner and all.
But,a little off of the point,if the guy was to really go after the dam legalese speaking dummies,he could just as well point out to them that he technically does not own the property,since all land title is colored and invalid in the US,as all property is held as surety (I think that's the right word...) for the national debt to the federal reserve bank cartel......
bla bla

Hahahahahaha *wipes tears*

That's just great. You know dam right.

Man.......I don't doubt that happened one bit.
With all the state budget cutbacks, etc., its quite sad actually. But in all truth what you have is that obviously someone failed to get off the arse and and actually investigate the situation properely. My question would be 'who' or 'whom' brought this to the attention of the DoEQ of Michigan?

I do find that Mr. DeVries letter is quite hilarious but includes major hints of sarcasm and mockery, further eluding to what I think I mentioned above.

I would seriously be interested in reading an response that the DoEQ of Michigan sent back to Mr. DeVries after the letter he sent to them (DoEQ).

Where are all those Michigan people here? Perhaps they can comment more on what caused this interaction to take place between the DoEQ and Mr. DeVries....

Dam funny....but dam sad too.....

regards
seekerof

It is dam funny... unfortunately it doesn't have a dam thing to do with unknown animals... So I have moved it the the dam chit chat forum...


_____________________________________________
Be Cool
K_OS

That title was so misleading.......

Misleading title????

"Beavers over here", and a story about beavers?

Hm.

MA that was the funniest thing i've read in a while.
thanks, man.
pencil pushers, ....go figger.
it's bad enough for the poor creatures that they have to chew all day or suffer a severe case of walrus tooth, not to mention they're just plain silly looking. now they're gonna need building permits and zoning applications.
it's DEFINITELY a conspiracy!

That is frickin' hilarious!!!

My dam hat is off to Mr. DeVries for his dam letter!

I too have a mind in the gutter it seems!


But i liked to post anyway!

I don't give a dam (So they'll have to build it!)! If I have to get a permit, so do those furry-faced little trouble-makers! You people need to quit being sucked into the "Aw, they're so cute!" Up with Animals BS and make them start paying their fair share!

Not all States starting with an "M" are as malicious towards unapproved beaver activity.

But they are not all magnanimous, either.

Montana law says this:

87-1-224. Destruction of beaver and beaver dams for protection of public health.

(1) When a complaint is made to the department of environmental quality that beaver are obstructing the free flow of a stream flowing through a settled area and into which stream sewage of a town or city is dumped and the obstruction endangers public health, the department of environmental quality shall immediately investigate the complaint. If it finds that the work of the beaver endangers public health, it shall report the facts to the department.

(2) The department shall immediately issue a permit, free of charge, to the landowner upon whose land the beaver dams are located for the removal of the beaver, the number of which must be designated by the warden making the inspection. The landowner shall remove all beaver and beaver dams as provided by the permit within 10 days after its issuance. If the landowner refuses to remove the beaver or the dams in the 10-day period or if the landowner does not desire to do so and so advises the department, then the department may remove the beaver by trapping or transplanting and remove their dam by blasting or other means.

(3) The department shall furnish all labor needed to blast out or otherwise remove the beaver dams. Necessary explosives must be furnished by the county in which the beaver dams are located.


So, Beaver Wardens have a great deal of power over the fate of Beavers after their Beaver Inspections.

Not all States starting with an "M" are as malicious towards unapproved beaver activity.

But they are not all magnanimous, either.

So, Beaver Wardens have a great deal of power over the fate of Beavers after their Beaver Inspections.


* DAM and DOUBLE DAM *

[Edited on 1-9-2003 by MaskedAvatar]

Didn't think that's what you were talking about....the beaver thing that is...

So, Beaver Wardens have a great deal of power over the fate of Beavers after their Beaver Inspections.

So, where do you sign up to be a Beaver Inspector???