Locker-room stories.

You should never speak outside the locker-room.

Perhaps inappropriately, it depends.

So i go into the locker-room, and I see this dude is not right.

Too much pre-work-out?

He's going:

"Ahhh, #, # my duck ..."!

But then I heard, they actually stole his phone

I mean when I walked into the whole situation it was already happening, but when i walked out, he was in the rowing machine giving me a very dirty look.

Despite your innocence, you are not beyond suspicion.

When I was 16, there was this huge party at the football club hall.

As parties go, it was pretty good.

A loud DJ, bring your own sodas (yeah right).

People from three schools.

But they hired a PT teacher as a bouncer.

Like Magnum P.I., in a tracksuit.

So next thing some older dudes were smoking a pipe under a tree.

Pretty far away, but Magnum gets upset about it, and I just heard this dude scream, "Listen, don't get in my face just because my brother's smoking a pipe"!

And PT teacher says: "Listen, don't get white with me".

Andi this dude goes: "I am white".

Like a 30-second stare-down.

And then PT teacher starts slapping this guy all the way to the parking lot.

The entire party is like OMG?

Then this dude's brothers and his friends gather - they're going to # up PT teacher.

Entire masses forming.

The perfect time to go.

Oh, they've got these plastic thingies now, they've updated.

Not before you confusingly swing your towel.

Curb your enthusiasm, it was all stolen.

Lets do the maths.

I join a gym, only to pilfer the doorknobs.

Actually that is financially sound.